Insecticidal

Today I watched Fangoria’s “Insecticidal”. It is a 2005 sorority house
romp complete with busty blonde lesbians, shower scenes, lots of sex,
and really bad dialogue and strangely enough, all the girl’s names end
in “i”. Our heroin is of course the mousy and brainy girl who is
only in the sorority because her sister is one of the busty lesbians.
Our little Grissom-in-training is fascinated with the insect world and
has devoted her studies to the idea that at one point in time that
insects were larger and more aggressive before man walked the earth.

Unfortunately for young Cami (Meghan Heffern), a few of her
genetically enhanced bugs get loose and start roaming the halls.
Unfortunately they end up in one of the girl’s bed rooms; a snobby
princess wannabe with a role playing fetish named Josi. Josi and her
Fabio-haired boyfriend Mitch (Travis Watters) decide enough is enough
and take a can of bug spray to Cami’s little project. Unfortunately,
due to the fact that the critters were genetically enhanced, the bug
spray has a different effect. So instead of heading to the garbage
heap in the sky these bugs grow to enormous sizes and begin attacking
the girls and the party guests at the sorority house.

Now, this movie is fun to watch and I feel would make a great drinking
game movie. It is full of clichéd characters and obvious story lines.
The bug animation is done ok; they aren’t too cartoony but
definitely not realistic looking. Though you know it is super-imposed
in the shot it isn’t too noticeable, so not that distracting.

Death scenes were a little lack-luster. I felt that if you are going
to use bugs to kill people off, they should possibly act like they do
in the wild. For instance a preying mantis female will mate and bite
off the Male’s head and then lay her eggs in his carcass. Now that
would have been much more fun to watch than them just eating the guy.

I was also sad to see the lack of different bugs to be used. There
were only 3. The mantis, a beetle, and a scorpion… which I never
knew actually was considered an insect.

All in all, it was eh, ok.

2 Bug-zappers out of 5

Fracture

A tight courtroom thriller? Almost! Anthony Hopkins stands against Ryan Gosling as one attempts to prove the other’s guilt. In large part, this is a pretty standard courtroom whodunit, although we know from the beginning who in fact, dun it. Twisting the normal formula we spend this hour and a half watching Anthony Hopkins make a mockery of the D.A.’s. (In a good way) Fracture was a good watch although this movie was raised above mediocrity solely by the power of Hopkins. The man is a master and watching him chew scenery here down right captivating at times.

This one’s worth it for Hopkins alone.

Blades of Glory

Will Ferrel and Jon Heder in a near homo erotic escapade as a same sex figure skating duo? Sure why not! We’ll start this off with stating the simple facts; this movie is dumb. D-u-m dumb, which is exactly what we would expect from the Will Ferrel comedy formula. So there is nothing new here although the formula works far better than his previous Talladega Nights. The surrounding cast helps out a lot here with the addition of Will Arnett, Amy Poehler and Jenna Fischer, as well as Coach Craig T. Nelson in long hair! Many man on man sight gags and generic physical comedy & bad jokes makes this one quite chuckle worthy. I’d watch it again. (The added cameos from all of the real life figure skaters was a nice touch as well.)

Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny

In their big screen debut Jack Black and Kyle Gas attempt to bring in new fans and reignite old ones as well. The problem here however is that for the die hard fans of the original HBO series has seen it all before and those that know the dynamic duo only from their first studio album a few years back really have no clue what to expect. Rehashing many of the same jokes from the TV series there is little new here. For the fans however it’s still a fun reprisal that should keep them laughing throughout. There are a few new songs that crop up here and Kyle has hair. The bottom line: This is Tenacious D as we’ve always known and loved them. Hopefully their next foray will bring us new tales of the greatest band in the world.

Unknown

Packed with an all star cast including Jeremy Sisto, Barry Pepper, Greg Kinnear, Joe Pantiliano, and Jim Caviezel Unknown comes across as a less in your face attempt at Resevoir Dogs. When Jim Caviezel awakes on the floor, he spies several bloodied and tied down companions. With no recollection to how they came to this situation, or even what their own names are, the victims soon band together to try and figure out who is who eventually breaking down into distrust and accusations as each captives memories return piece by piece. Not a masterpiece by any means Unknown still manages to be a fun little mystery thriller that keeps the viewer guessing and on it’s toes throughout. The plot setup is fairly unique giving us an interesting tale with a few surprises here and there as the mystery unfolds.

Casino Royale.

Bond is back and this time he’s…blond?

Re-launching the long standing series once again Casino Royale introduces us to the latest, and dare I say greatest Bond Daniel Craig. Sure there are some purists out there that didn’t care for it but for me the return to a grittier, violent, and action oriented Bond was just what the franchise needed. With its jaw dropping Parkour opening sequence the tone is set for the rest of the flick. What may be off putting for some is the stripped down character. With few gizmos and gadgetry we get a Bond that is less the worldly play boy and more of a hardened killing machine and this is what makes Casino Royale such fun to watch. To put it bluntly this Bond kicks ass and takes names although one has to wonder how such a bad ass would let himself fall so hard for a bird. This is not your fathers James Bond. This is a whole new story arc for the franchise. For myself not being a fan of the Brosnan era and a little overtired of all the over the top gadgetry and super spy clichés, Daniel Craig has managed to make me consider myself a fan once again and look forward to his next installment.

Blade: Trinity

Sure this has been around for a bit but if you can manage to ignore the second entry of the trilogy, Blade: Trinity makes for a nice end cap for the luke warm trilogy. Adding Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel to the lineup we get a fresh face on the action front. Wait, Ryan Reynolds as an action star? Hard to believe yes, but fear not he’s here more for the one liners than for the buff action man role. Jessica Biel fleshes out the side plot of Whistler as well as improving the scenery over all. Throw in Parker Posey as one of the main villains of the film and we get a dark and quirky bad guy who’s cute to boot. The Dracula turn for the plot was a bit much and makes the film seem overly cheesy as a result however the fight scenes and overall mythos remain in tact making this a fun pop corn muncher that doesn’t require too much of a thought process.

Be Cool

In this sequel to 1995′s Get Shorty, John Travolta returns as ex-mafioso turned movie maven Chili Palmer. This time around Chili grows tired of the movie biz and turns his sites on the music world as he discovers the underused talent of Linda Moon (Christina Milian). If you were a fan of the original Chili Palmer opus then you’ll be happy to know that Be Cool is more of the same. With a star packed cast including Uma Thurman, the Rock, Vince Vaughn, Harvey Keitel, Cedric The Entertainer, Andre 3000 and loads of others the talent behind this one is a given and their performances deliver as planned. The jokes are plentiful yet for the most part fail to rise to the level of side splitting hilarity. Still, Be Cool packs plenty of chuckles and the plot surrounding this cast is solid enough to make for an enjoyable watch. The highlight here is the WWE’s The Rock as Vince Vaughn’s gay body guard. When presenting his audition monologue prepared from the cheerleader epic Bring it On the hilarity peaks for this one.

Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Sunshine has had loads of Oscar buzz as of late which is impressive for this little indie that many may not have heard of. Steve Carell is a gay professor down on his luck and hating life. After his failed suicide attempt he is forced to move in with his sister so that he can be watched over. When the family’s overly average daughter Olive is suddenly accepted into the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in Rodondo Beach, the cash strapped family must pile into the worn down VW Bus to make the trip. Joining Uncle Frank on his journey is brother in law Richard (Greg Kinnear) the failed motivational program author, Frank’s sister Sheryl (Toni Collette) the overstressed matriarch of the family, Grandpa (Alan Arkin) Richard’s foul mouthed and perverse heroin addict father, and Dwayne (Paul Dano) Frank’s Nietzsche obsesses nephew who has taken a vow of silence until he achieves his goal of being accepted into the Air Force Academy. Throw all of these quirky characters into a cramped road trip filled with mistakes, mishaps, and blunders and you have a black comedy that will make you laugh out loud, cringe in embarrassment, and sympathize with the most unlikely of characters all at the same time. Keep in mind that this isn’t slapstick comedy going in and all should be entertained throughout. Leaning more towards the arty angle as far as humor goes, this one may be a little too quirky for some yet remains a sweet family portrayal by the end.

It’s that time again! I’ve OD’d on crap so now it’s time to play catch-up.

Idiocracy

Mike Judge takes a stab at the populace as a whole this time around. A hilarious take on one of the world’s possible futures Luke Wilson, a completely average man, wakes after a failed military experiment to a future that is…dumb. And now he’s the smartest man on earth. Judge’s take on this possible outcome may hit too close to home for some. With jaded looks on commercialism, the dumbing down of America, WWE type fanaticism, and our love of violence we see a future America that is on the verge of extinction. With Wilson attempting to bring it back to a normal view of living there’s a lot that could be learned here for some folks. Not as good as Office Space, but still no slouch either.

Dead Mary

Lolita’s Dominique Swain is all grown up. (And boy howdy how she’s grown up!) Dead Mary is the tale of a group of 20-30 something’s getting together for an annual meet up. On one bored drunken night they decide to play the ‘Dead Mary’ game, the time honored tradition of standing in a dark bathroom staring into the mirror as you recite ‘Dead Mary’ three times over. While this concept was pretty well covered with the original Candy Man it’s been awhile and they’ve tweaked the concept enough to keep it fresh. Overall, this isn’t a bad flick. The start was a bit laggy but once they got rolling it was a pretty entertaining jumper throughout. There’s some good gore here and some good concepts of guessing who the bad guy is a la The Thing. The cast is solid enough for a group of new actors and there are even a couple of laughs as well. Swain is the standout of the cast, and that’s not just due to the fact she spends a large amount of time in a bikini. (It does help though.) Her acting strong, it looks like she’s going to survive all the controversy surrounding her early role in Lolita. I don’t know if you’d call it a comeback since I don’t know that she went anywhere, but she’s back now and looks like she’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

Crank

This is a flick that after the initial trailers hit, I wasn’t expecting much. With promises of jumpy MTV like edits and random violence, it looked like a brainless action romp that was pretty much there just to sell tickets. What we got is a brainless action romp with some jumpy MTV edits…but it’s pretty damn good despite these facts. Jason Statham plays a freelance hit man who’s been poisoned by a synthetic drug that blocks adrenaline, eventually shutting down the heart. The only way to keep himself alive is to keep moving. What this gives us is a movie that once the action starts to roll…it doesn’t let up. There are some great fight scenes, action scenes, car chases, explosions; every thing you love about an action movie. It’s packed to the brim. To round it out, the scenes between the action sequences? Downright hilarious. Statham is perfectly suited to his Chev Chelios roll. Helping him out is Amy Smart who fits in well with her dingy blonde doper girlfriend roll. The standout to Crank however? Dwight Yoakam as Chev’s high balling massage loving Vegas bound doctor. With his straight man delivery to Statham’s panicked questioning, Yoakam brings the funny throughout the film. Topping it off, I wont’ give you details, but Crank has one of the best movie endings I’ve seen in a while. Good stuff.

An aside, rumors say Jason Statham may be in line to be the next Doctor Who. Still not sure how I feel about that.

The Marine

WOOO! SHIT BLOWS UP!

That’s pretty much the driving plot force behind The Marine. Starring the WWE’s John Cena this is nothing more than another attempt at cashing in on a WWE star’s current popularity. A plot riddled with holes, we see Robert Patrick stealing diamonds, kidnapping Cena’s wife at a chance gas station meeting, and generally being a bull headed bad guy. Cena being an ex-Marine fresh back from Iraq takes off after the diamond thieves to save his wife. Things blow up, people get beat up by many a signature wrestling move, etc. etc. There are glimpses of entertainment here. After all, there’s a lot of shit blowing up. When is that not entertaining? The good parts almost always come from Robert Patrick, but still they are few and far between. The plot stinks period and seeing how the mushy ‘he just got back from Iraq and now his wife is missing’ drama is the prevailing force, Cena just isn’t the man to pull it off. The action sequences are entertaining however and the effects are all over the top and fairly well done. Sorry John Cena, you’re just not Th Rock. Throw Cena in a sci fi actioner as ‘Grunt #2′ where he gets to beat some ass and spout some one liners? I’d watch that. He’s not a bad actor. He’s just not cut out for drama.

All Babes Want to Kill Me

A timeless kung fu tale that tells the story of a man with a strange condition, brought on by eating to many paint chips as a kid, that makes babes want him and want to kill him all at the same time? Sure why not! I stumbled across this one and seeing as I love King Pow probably more than I should, I figured it deserved a shot. This is a comedy completely out of left field; stupid humor for stupid humor’s sake. This does fail to live up to the levels of Kung Pow and that’s both a good thing and a bad thing depending on how you felt about that flick. Regardless, it’s a pretty entertaining oddity none the less. For me the laugh out loud moments weren’t that common but it still made me a crack a smile many times throughout. The stand out performance here was the fat gay brother, Ling Cho (John Schaffer). The few laugh out loud moments that I did have? They all came from this guy. Completely absurd, this still managed to be a fairly funny ride. Worth watching on the late night cable binges if you stumble across it. (Note: This is probably a stoner’s delight!)

The Departed

Fantastic film, plain and simple. This one doesn’t get a full review because everybody and their brother have already done so and I’m not going to be able to do it any more justice. Having avoided DiCaprio since his days romancing rich ladies on the Titanic, I hesitated on The Departed for a bit. Now that I’ve that I’ve seen it, DeCaprio is officially pardoned for his past transgressions. Jack is back to the Jack we all know and love, Damon is solid as well though I’ve never had an issue with his acting ability and Marky Mark continues to prove to the world that he can indeed act. The cast is outstanding in this one, and the story line is as well. It’s been awhile since a movie has made me yell out an F-Bomb in genuine surprise. Keep watching in the near future as I’ll be delving in to the upcoming Infernal Affairs Boxset that The Departed was remade from. If you haven’t gotten to see this one yet, it’s making the theatre rounds once again to help drum up interested just before the Oscar’s. Go see it. It’s money well spent.

So there you have it folks! Random thoughts from a movie junkie. Stay tuned next week for a review of Saw III and lord knows what else.

So the Mrs. has been rather sick the last couple of days, and being stuck at home and on the couch, with the youngin off at school for the day, that leaves ample time for further punishment. So join the Mrs. as she checks in with her sick day fun on the following three flicks!

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So, I have been sick with the flu, now going on day 5… still can’t get into the doctor, maybe tomorrow… so today I was scrounging around and found one of our horror box sets… you know the one that has like 2000 movies in it…. anyway, I should say it started last night….

Last night on The Movie Channel I came across the campy slasher film Death to the Super Models Jamie Pressly from My Name is Earl stars in this, along with a bunch of recognizable faces. Poking fun at the fashion industry, self-help tapes, and b-slasher films it was a hoot. Pretty much, Tiffany (Pressley) is a perky model wanna-be working at a fashion magazine, which is run by butch lesbian Merel, played by Diane Delano, decides to do a big fashion shoot on a secluded island with the top 5 supermodels…Hoo-Chi (played by Sung-Hi Lee) the Asian kung-fu fighting model with a devastating secret, Yo (played by Marcelle Larice) the big bottomed ghetto queen who is taking steroid suppositories to keep her big bottom popularity, Darbie (played by Kimberly Davis) who is as “statuesque” as you can get, P (Maria Arce) the South American beauty who only eats on Tuesdays, and Eva (played by Brooke burns) as the unshaven German top supermodel. Throw in Gunther (Taylor Negron) the mute a-sexual photographer with his spooning companion Gerd (Matt Winston) and you have quite the party. Full of bad slapstick, cheesy fight scenes, and off the wall stunt doubles…along with the disembodied voice of the self-help guru (Jim Piddock) it is a giggle after another. Great for when you are feeling sick…as they say laughter is the best medicine… right?

Anyway my day of crap continued today. The first movie I picked was Sisters of Death which was a lovely little film from 77…. 4 young women in a secret sorority in college have 2 new initiates. The final ritual is a little play of Russian Roulette. However the gun was supposed to have blanks in it. Unfortunately someone put a real bullet in the place of one of the 2 blanks and one of the girls dies. 7 years later the 5 remaining sisters get invitations to a reunion and $500 cash to get there. They all meet at the hotel they thought they are supposed to stay at, and 2 men explain they were paid to take them to some resort. The girls all go and the guys think “hey lest stay too!” and they find themselves all locked in the estate, surrounded by electrical fence set on “fry-in-hell” setting. The house belongs to (of course) the girl’s father, who claims she was murdered and someone saw who actually did it. Ok, the movie is your basic who-done it, with a few twists… unfortunately we had no real feelings for any of the characters… no real development other than the little bits and pieces of them getting to the first stop. Even the beginning of the movie, all the women had on veils other than the 2 initiates, so other than body shapes you have no idea who is who! One by one, the girls start getting killed off. A lovely little double twist at the end, however.

The final movie of the day was The Cold, which is also known as The Game

This one had me interested at the get go… sort of a House on Haunted Hill/My Little Eye/The Haunting type of film. 3 eccentric billionaires have this island resort in some northern state (I am guessing here because it was winter time) and they fly in a group of people who have no families and play a little game called Fear. The idea of the film is great. The whole premise was rather fun. The movie was made in 1984… and most of the actors never made a another movie after it… gee but the acting was stellar! 2 years later the movie April Fools day came out and, it was similar but 100X better. This would be one movie worth re making, really. It could have been a lot of fun… albeit the ending of the movie made no sense… and even the narrator at the end stated that it made no sense, but hey it is a movie and made only to entertain. There were also too many characters, not enough good deaths… but one absolutely beautiful line! I mean kudos to the writers for “Of course it’s safe! I’ve had a vasectomy!”

…..and I wrote it with my sable quill

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And there ya go folks! Say hi to Mrs. Fromage! Like her quick caps? I do! Comment them up, convince her to write more! (She watches as much if not more than this crap than I do!

Enjoy!

Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero

WOOO! Shit blows up!

And really, what more do you expect from a Godzilla movie? Surprisingly, G Vs. MZ actually brings a bit more to the table that the usual Man in Suit fare. Borrowing a bit from the standard sci fi themes of the time, G Vs. MZ brings us space travel, aliens in snazzy suits, classic ufo’s and heaping helping of deceit on behalf of our new alien overlords. Most Godzilla movies have a bit of a morale or theme running throughout, but some you have to dig a little deeper to find it than others. This time around the message a bit clearer than most as we watch the Earthlings fall into the hands of the Alien baddies in their eagerness to gain a cure all miracle drug to end all of the worlds health issues. Despite claims of solving all of our problems, there is always a catch. That’s my take in a nutshell.

Return to Oz

While the Original Oz held it’s own fair share of dark overtones, Return to Oz goes a step further to creep close to downright disturbing. When Dorothy returned from Oz, the family farm was left in tatters. Despondent over their financial ruin due to a farm destroyed by the killer tornado, it becomes apparent that Dorothy has some issues from her head trauma. She hasn’t slept a wink since her return. Most abnormalities in those days were considering mental instability, and the new cure all of the time, was electro shock therapy. That alone is a bit thick for a children’s flick. Throw in the mix Ozma’s comment to Dorothy during the escape, ‘Who is that screaming?’ ‘Those are the damaged ones.’ Well now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fairly twisted guy, and I can handle some heavily dark overtones to my kid’s flicks, just not what I was expecting. As my daughter popped in the disk early Saturday morning, Return to Oz was not on the top of my ‘things I want to do this morning’ list. By the end of the ride however, I was quite captivated. Fans of the books should be fairly pleased (from what I can remember), and a youngFairuza Balk turns in a Dorothy performance worthy of the dark turn this sequel took. And she didn’t even need coke and booze to achieve it either!

An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder

Imagine my surprise as I sat down to scan through this disk at first to catch bits and pieces, turned to the clock, and realized it was four hours later.

For me, a long time fan of Kevin Smith and his blog, I knew what to expect going into this. (I have yet to watch the first Evening With Kevin Smith) The man can talk, and does so with gusto. Luckily for us, he’s pretty damn entertaining to listen to. For those that may not know, the Evening With Kevin Smith disks are simply recordings of Kevin Smith’s Q&A sessions that he does throughout the year at various college campuses the world over. The format is simple enough. A fat man on stage with a microphone, audience members ask questions, he answers. Some times he answers the specific question, some times he veers off on a thirty minute tangent on a topic no where near the original question. Regardless, his answers are all entertaining, and some even transcending to captivating. As Kevin Smith says himself in Evening 2, most of his movies are concentrated on dialog, it’s what he’s good at. An Evening with Kevin Smith plays to these strengths and it shoes. So for the KS fans, give this one a go, you’ll love it. Just be prepared to loose four hours, because you’ll loose track of that fact.

Humanoids From the Deep

While the premise is nothing but promising, Humanoids is ultimately forgettable. Horribly dated, fish men in rubber suits terrorize a small fishing town. Pretty basic really. Still, the movie is a relatively fun watch for those of us that love ‘man in suit!’ monsters. There are no real stand out performances here, except for the sheer mass of feathered hair do’s and white man fro’s in abundance. The highlight for this flick is the very end with the delivery of the semi-shapely blond who was kidnapped earlier in the film by the fish men. To give you an idea, I missed the fact that she lived as I fell asleep. Regardless, worth the watch for those of you that are die hard Fromage fans.

Maybe some of you will agree, so feel free to help me convince the other guys in my band that Humanoids from the Deep would make an excellent band name!

Abominable

Now, I’m a smart enough man to know that ‘Sci Fi Original’ means ‘crap’….but I’m a sucker for Lance Henriksen and Jeffrey Combs. Those two together in a movie about Sasquatch? Yah, I’m gonna watch it. But man, what a stinker. Lance & Jeffrey where fine and dandy for what they had to work with, but that’s kind of the equivalent of a shiny corn kernel in a turd. ‘That guy from Police Academy was a snoozer as the whiny handicapped widower returning home after his wife’s death, and the chicks in this one where forgettable at best. (I think? Don’t remember.) While we do get some boobage in the video release of this one, none of it’s worth wading through the septic tank that is Abominable to get to.

Avoid! Evasive Action!

FYI: When I did a Google Image Search for covers, this was on the first page that came up for ‘Abominable’. While not in the movie, it would have been a far more entertaining watch had she been there.

Shadow Dead Riot

Tony Todd of Candyman fame returns to a DVD player near you as Shadow, the voodoo sacrificing inmate put to death at *generic prison* for inducing a frenzied riot killing several inmates, who were buried in the central courtyard in a mass grave. Cut to a few years later and now it’s an experimental woman’s prison. Shit happens, dead guys planted in the yard wake up, people run around screaming, Tony Todd acts like a badass. While the potential of combining a woman’s prison exploitation flick with a zombie flick is quite great indeed, Shadow Dead Riot missed the mark. Hell, they even have the queen of crappy exploitation, Erin Brown. (Misty Mundae) The biggest problem with Shadow Dead Riot, is that it’s boring as hell. Nearly criminal in it’s lack of interest, I found it hard to concentrate on it twenty minutes in. (Except for the boob scenes of course) Stilted acting, wandering plot, and lifeless action, it was a lost cause. Considering you had to suffer through a good hour or so to get to the disappointing zombie horde, that’s a lot of pain and suffering. To be honest, I didn’t even make it to the end of this one. I stopped caring at about 1:05 and moved on to the next flick in the list.

Men In Black

Feeling the need to cleanse my palette, it was time to redeem myself with an old favorite on Wednesday night as we prepared for our turkey day travels. Some people may not like Men in Black all that much, but I’ve loved it since the first time I saw it. Surprisingly, the comedic timing of Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith is impeccable, and they play off each other superbly. From the zany aliens, Vincent D’Onofrio’s Edgar, to Linda Fiorentino’s legs, Men In Black is just a good time. Sure, we get a heavy dose of Will Smith’s *, but that’s what he’s there for this time around, and it works.

(*Hell Naw gif borrowed from the Something Awful forums, cause it fits perfectly, and well, I’m a member there as well)

Hey, it’s that time for a quick brain dump, for a couple flicks sitting on the back burner that don’t quite fit the mold.

First up…

A Prairie Home Companion

Seeing as I’ve never heard the original, yet was aware, I had a vague idea going into this one what I was in store for. The fact that it had a cast consisting of folks such as Lindsay Lohan, Meryl Streep, Lilly Tomlin and others of that ilk, it would stand to reason that this wouldn’t be my ordinary cup of tea. (They’re great actors, sure, just not usually in flicks of my taste.) So, as I settled in to the quirky humor of Garrison Keillor, the down home sensibility of the music, the flowing humor of the huge ensemble cast, etc. I was pleastantly surprised, and pleased at home much I enjoyed this little flick. I’ll even go as far to say that one scene in the middle of the film even moved me, and choked me up a little bit. That normally only happens when they neglect to add boobs to an 80′s slasher!

Give this one a watch, you’ll enjoy. Hell, even your mom will enjoy!

Nacho Libre

Ah, Jack Black. I hold much man love for the man named Black. From the early days of Tenacious D, I’ve been a devotee. When the trailers started hitting for Nacho Libre, showing Black as a Luchadore, it had to be good right? Unfortunately, wrong.

First off, this is a kids flick. Don’t forget that. I did, so my expecatations were off. No signature J.B. toilet humor, etc. What we did get was J.B. phoning in his typical over the top hammyness. Normally, I eat that up, but for this one, it just came across as forced and out fo place.

At the heart of Nacho, it is apparant that this movie is aimed at young boys, with the rough housing and fart jokes. It’s not all bad, there are some moments that even I chuckled out loud at, but as a whole, it was rather boring, and fell fall short of it’s predecessor, Napoleon Dynamite.

Jack Black die hards, give it a go. Just don’t expect too much.

Now here’s to having high hopes for Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

I watch a lot of crap, and as we’ve seen in the past, sometimes I grab just way too many to give time for a full review, or sometimes….I just don’t feel like it! So here’s this week’s ‘Cheese Doodles’….

Destroy All Planets

When Giant Turtles attack! Gamera (the giant rubber spinning turtle who) defender of Tokyo show’s up to fight off the latest Tokyo oppressor, Viras! (Giant Squid/Virus combo) Outside of the first Godzilla, you don’t really watch Man in Suit movies for the plot! Always cheesy, always corny, you watch these films for the fun of watching a man in a rubber suit tearing shit up!

Note: It was a proud moment in this horror nerd’s life when his 6 year old daughter came home from school, with the day’s artwork clutched in her little hands. As she showed off the pictures she drew of the day, one with a rather large oval head and and green fangs stood out. “What’s this a picture of kiddo?” “GAMERA!” She loves these movies, and daddy loves watching them with her!

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack!

Hey look, more men in suits! Same as Destroy all Planets, we’re not here for the plot, we’re here for the mayhem! The D (the kid) and I get a kick out of these, and they’re becoming a Friday night tradition for us. With G, M & KG (forget typing all that out again) you get your standard slow build up, and then all out mayhem! This time we have 3 beasties teaming together to tear apart tokyo, but seeing as this one’s a newer incarnation of the franchise, you get some updated effects and destruction. Standard fare as far as Godzilla and Friends go, and even more if you’re a fan of the Power Ranger fighting style!

Demonic Toys

There was a small string of films in the late 80′s and 90′s, that featured anthropomoprhic toys and doll’s wreaking havoc. Demonic Toys and Puppet Master are the standouts. Not high art by any means, Demonic Toys is a stellar example of cheesy 80′s slasher pics, even though it came out in 92. Sure it was on the tale end of the craze, but it’s goofball brainless fun none the less. These type of movies are staples of late night cable channels, and they’re usually fun to sit through if you’re up anyways. I wouldn’t make the effort to stay up for it, but if you’re an insomniac, there’s worse way’s to stay up staring at the ceiling!