If the movies have taught us anything, sorority girls are generally party animals, a bit trashy, a bit slutty, and an all around good time. I don’t know what rock this group’s been living under, but they missed the memo.
The graduating class of the Phi Theta sorority has decided to hold their graduation party at their house. The problem is, their house mother closes the house every year on June 19th, and the party is scheduled for the 20th. With stubbornness known to the elderly, and a fierce eye for monkeyshines, Ms. Slater bears down on the girls, and tells them that there is no way they are having their party at the house. Fed up with Ms. Slater and her hard nosed ways, the girls opt to play a prank on Ms. Slater, which ends in what they think is her death. Hiding the body from the arriving party guess, the girls try to ignore the problem, to deal with it later. Before they know it, the body is missing, and now people are turning up dead. Is Ms. Slater still alive? Is there something else watching them? Do I even care? Hell no.
It’s a rare occasion that I come across a movie that makes me groan in misery throughout. Horrible acting, muddled plot, sleeper pace, they all add up to make this flick one long snooze fest. With pretty much nothing happening for the first 45 minutes or so, we are forced to watch the ‘character development’. We’ve got all the stereotypes here. We have the rock & roll chick, we have the slutty prom queen, we have the down home momma’s girl, the girl who’s not sure what clique she belongs to, and the Future Farmers of America lead girl. Er…sorry, that was my opinion of the leading lady. Filled with mostly unknowns (some may recognize Vicki the Slut as Days of Our Lives Eileen Davidson) (Don’t ask me how I knew that) we’re stuck with a movie heavy on character development, by an inexperienced cast, inexperienced with developing a character.
The plot of The House on Sorority Row is so muddled, that you loose track of what they’re trying to pull off, and eventually you loose any interest in it anyways. I intentionally left out a key plot point in the synopsis above, just as they left out a good chunk of it in the film itself. In the beginning, you see a flashback to 1961, and Ms. Slater giving birth. An evil Dr. is there, c-sections the baby, and soon we’re back at the present. Mrs. Slater is complaining to the Dr. 20 years later, and he says it’s not a good idea, since there could be a psychotic break while she’s at the house for the summer. They lead you on throughout the film that Ms. Slater is a nutcase, and has some severe anger issues. Thing is, there’s a twist. Ms. Slater’s baby is still alive. That’s the writer’s big twist for the film, but they kind of forget to tie it in until the last third of the film. Tacked on as an after thought, I had to turn to my own Mrs. just to figure out what the hell was going on with the Dr., since I was unable to catch on to their twist on my own. (Yes, I could just be dense!)
A muddled film that is boring a best, The House on Sorority Row can be missed by just about everyone. Unless you have a thing for soap stars, or sleep inducing plot arcs, run away. Run far far away. The sole highlight of the film being the band at the chick’s party, 4 Doctors out of 5.
1 Doctor Out of 5 recommends avoiding at all costs.