So I just watched a movie. It’s….a weird movie. Yet, I enjoyed it. So I decided to unleash my excitement on my friend Corey. This will give you a pretty solid idea what you’re in for. Expect the full review tomorrow!

There’s spoilers in them thar hills! Buyer Beware!

SPOILERS!

ccriswell: I just watched this http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0437217/
and
it’s weird
it’s a pretty bad movie, plot makes fuck all sense for the most part
yet
I liked it

Corey: hehe

ccriswell: so the chick is in teh beginning of teh film. she’s pregnant, gets her head wacked off by somebody with an axe. we don’t know who it was

Corey: IT WAS THE GIMP IT WAS THE GIMP

ccriswell: 10 years later some other dude. Fed up with his job, underpaid. he’s with a client. Client says ‘you deserve better, go meet with this head hunter chick’ she’ll gets you a new job
he does, she gets him a new job on the grave yard shift. ghosts show up, etc. gotta find the head gotta find the head

Corey: i’m sensing a trend. chick gets head whacked off. head hunter. grave yard shift.

ccriswell: he finds out the guy who referred him to her was the axeman, he’s feeding her body’s to kill more or less. he’s hidden her head, she’s trying to get these people that get sent to her to hide find her head
no clue why she’s getting them corporate jobs in the insurance industry
except for the guy sent her his insurance agent
so I guess convenient for him? i dunno. but the only connection is ‘headhunter’ as in corporate recruiter and she’s looking for her head

Corey: SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF

ccriswell: then you get to the end and WHAM outta fuckin’ no where SHES EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIL
She’s a witch! Don’t find her head, she’s gonna give birth to the devil’s kid!
uh….wha?

Corey: Wow, that’s kinda outta the blue.

ccriswell: EVIL EVIL EVIL! In comes zombie lady starts giving birth to devil baby
:O
WTF!?!?!

Corey: haha

ccriswell: no lead up to her being evil whatsoever
except for she’s got a tattoo that matches the keyring the guy gave the insurance dude, and some professor told him it’s some persian evil fertility thing

Corey: Oh, well that explains it.

ccriswell: yes
and that was a….2 minute scene at the halfway mark

Corey: It’s obvious. How could you NOT pick up on the clues?

ccriswell: BUT SHE’S EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!

Corey: DUDE.
it’s your JOB..
err.. HOBBY
to pay attention to these things

New Stuff on the Way:
Roman – Trailer
Angela Bettis and Lucky McKee together again? Count me in. (With bonuse Kristen Bell Action! Schwing!)

The Messengers
It’s pretty obvious I have questionable taste. This one seems like a good fit.

Rob Zombie’s Halloween
Mr. Zombie continues to dump the casting news on his web page. Tons of B-Movie stalwarts in there, however I’ve never heard of the new Laurie Strode myself. I’ll still hold the faith however.

Non Horror Stuff on Blogcritics.org
Avatar the Last Airbender
HBO Acquires Rights to Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire
Happily N’ever After
The Burning Crusade Midnight Release Line

Most Excellent Podcasts:
Night of the Living Podcast
These guys are hilarious. Listen, you’ll like it!

Happening New Forums:
The Final Girl Forums

Coolness from Amanda By Night:
Best Eyeball Scenes in Horror

T. Rigney spreads the exploitation love:
The Film Fiend
B-Movie of the Week at Blog Critics

So there’s some random droppings for the day, 1/30/2007. Feel like saying hi? Send us an email at cinemafromage@gmail.com! In the meantime, I’m off to try on more hats.

The Gathering

An American drifter in England unwittingly steps out before a moving car. Knocked to the road she is carted to the local hospital and watched over by the mother who had accidentally run her down. Showing a surprising lack of injuries aside from a slight case of amnesia, Marion (Kerry Fox) invites Cassie (Christina Ricci) to stay with her family for a few days until her memory returns. Marion’s husband Simon (Stephen Dillane) has just returned from studying a recently uncovered church. Filled with a bas relief of Christ on the cross as well as a group of people watching the crucifixion, the discovered church opens a host of speculation and worry from the Catholic Church. Simon begins to slowly uncover the mysteries of the buried church and as his mysteries begin to come to light Cassie begins to have visions of violence and death to those around her.

more…

Prey

Tom Newman (Peter Weller) has a new wife and unfortunately his two children don’t quite see eye to eye with her. Seeing his upcoming business trip to Africa as the perfect opportunity to for his new family to bond together they all head south to take in the sites. Sending Amy (Bridget Moynahan) and the kids out for driving safari while he heads to work he assumes all will be okay upon his return. When a pack of hungry lions descends upon the safari jeep and attacks the park ranger their trip is everything but safe; stranded in the hills of Africa surrounded by starving lions Amy and the Newman kids hold on to their last shred of hope as the wait for someone to come look for them.

more…

Here’s a short film for ya from the folks at Yngturk Film. It’s a bit older, but it’s definitely a classic. Makes me laugh like an idiot every time I see it. Clocking in at 11 min. be sure to watch the whole thing. Those of you with a Dungeons and Dragons background will get an extra special laugh out of it.

The 8th Plague

Launa’s sister has turned up missing after a weekend camping trip to Halcyon Ridge prison. As Launa’s panic rises she enlists the help of her friends to drive to the camp site her sister was staying at to try and track her down. After arriving and still no sign of Nikki, Launa and friends enlist the help of the local police force to try and track her down. At the mention of the campers’ plans to explore the abandoned Halcyon Ridge, the police become wary. As they all head to the prison they inform Launa of the history of the area and the dark and evil secrets that led to the closing of the prison. So they venture inside to try and find lost Nikki and soon they begin to discover the truth of the legend of Halcyon Ridge.

more…

They Live

Nada (‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper)is a drifter. Floating into town one day with nothing but the tools and pack strapped to his back he saunters into the city in search for work. Eventually landing a job on a construction site he catches the attention of Frank (‘Not so Rowdy’ Keith David) a fellow drifter trying to raise money for his family back home. Frank leads him to a camp site peopled by fellow humans down and out on their luck. As Nada settles in he notices odd actions at the church across the street. Following the organizer of the camp and soup kitchen into the church, Nada discovers something odd. A pair of sunglasses. As he dons said sunglasses he soon learns that there is something far sinister going on under the surface of normal life and life is in fact peopled by some rather ugly aliens as well.

more…

I’m not a coat and tie guy. I have a suit. It’s my Marryin’ & Burryin’ suit. Now, I got a new excuse to wear it. Providing that nobody dies this year (I don’t know anybody with wedding plans) this is the only time you’re going to see it.

See, I have a dark secret. One that may surprise a lot of people. When the sun goes down and there’s no gory movies to watch, sometimes….sometimes I’m….Well, I’m a Girl Scout Troop leader. Scary huh? Well, it so happens that tonight was the night of the Girl Scout Father Daughter Dance and since Delaney likes to dance and I got an excuse to wear my fancy little leader pin, we got decked out and hit the town!

Since Delaney looked so purdy, I figured I had to show her off! So pay attention, you’re only gonna see me in a tie once. Once and only once!

Grace and Jim are a college couple heading for spring break. As they traverse the countryside one dark and rainy night they happen upon a car broken down along side the road. With poor visibility they nearly hit the driver of said car standing in the middle of the lane. Narrowly avoiding him, they opt to keep moving and head to the next gas station to call the man a tow. As the hitchhiker arrives at the gas station, Jim feels guilty and offers him a ride to the hotel up the road. As our now trio heads out Grace and Jim soon learn there is more than meets the eye to this quiet hitchhiker and soon their spring break plans make a drastic change.

Sigh…

more…

Funny photoshops from the Something Awful Goons…

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