Archive for » June, 2007 «

Thursday, June 28th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Sometimes I grow lazy, a lot as of late it seems, so I naturally get a pretty good build up of back logged flicks. Sure, I still watch a lot of crap, but sometimes I just don’t feel like writing about them! So we haven’t seen it in awhile, but here it is once again as I clean out the pantry to make space for a boatload of new crap just around the corner.

Punk Rock Holocaust

Filmed throughout the summer and the traveling punk rock show Vans Warped Tour, Punk Rock Holocaust is a low budget nearly fan made level of film featuring the gooey murders of dozens and dozens of punk bands. While not necessarily well made, nor necessarily well written, it still manages to be a fun little romp feature some rejected hair metal wannabe who wanted to be on the tour. Since his band couldn’t play, he figured he might as well take revenge. There are some creative deaths in here (animal parts in the vegan catering tent for instance) that makes for some good laughs. I will warn you that being a fan of the bands usually involved with the Warped Tour makes this movie a lot better. If you’re not a fan, you will be mostly annoyed by the soundtrack and you will be pretty clueless as they go through and hack up one band after another. Myself being a fan, it made it worth watching if not a little long.

Bad Channels

Written by Charles Band of Puppet Master fame, fans of the puppet movies will know pretty much what to expect from Bad Channels. Rubber monsters, fairly longwinded storyline, it’s all there. This time around we have shock jock Dan O’Dare, who’s ticked off to many people with his antics in the big city, is now launching a new station in Podunk, USA. While carrying on with his inaugural shock fest, Dan’s station is taken over by an alien hell bent on capturing earth’s females. (Aren’t we all?)

Bad Channels is a schlock fest, aiming more for cheese than any sense of serious scares. While it does work to an extent, it mostly comes across as a longwinded rambling on 80′s styles and clichés. There is nothing scary here of course, but there are some good chuckle points, and the plot does in fact have a beginning and an end, so there’s always that. The best part, as the alien hones in on his next target, he twiddles the switches on his big alien machine to lock on to the girl. When the signal is locked in, the girl zaps into some bizarro dream state and we watch along as the girls are suddenly acting music videos dancing and grinding along to random hair metal tracks. These range from dancing on a diner bar, grinding with a band geek (redemption at last!!), and a scantily clad nurse boogie. So while the story’s pretty meh, at least you get hot dancing girls yah?


Here’s the gist. In a space faring culture, two female body guards wind up crossing paths while chasing their bounty. Unfortunately for them, they wind up on a back water planet that is the process of upheaval from both an oppressive government and a deadly street drug that is ravaging the planet. In nut shell, Planetfall is a spaghetti western in outer space. Old west looking frontier towns, leather dusters, the works. While many people did not like this one at all, I found it enjoyable if not a bit engrossing. Keep in mind I get sucked into a lot of sub par sci-fi fare, this one managed to stand a bit above the rest in terms of quality. The special effects look cheap and the pace is a bit plodding, but overall it’s worth a once through if you like to watch for a story as opposed to all the gloss that’s usually heaped on top. If you like old BBC science fiction with their paper thin sets, etc, then you should get some mileage out of Planetfall.


What’s there to say about Grindhouse that hasn’t already been said? While I saw this opening weekend, there was such a glut of coverage on this one I figured why bother. That said, for myself this flick was excellent on pretty much all facets. Planet Terror was a cheese infested zombie thrill ride that captured the feel of the grind house features pretty damn well. With Death Proof, while it was a complete 360 in terms of pace from the first feature, it was still a slow burning dialogue fest that, after the snowball started rolling, gained moment continually throughout until we hit the unexpected thrill ride ending. Everyone involved was enjoyable to watch, highlights being Kurt Russel in Death Proof

The fake trailers in the intermission where a complete blast and left me longing to see their full featured equivalents. When the entire theatre screamed aloud in laughter at the conclusion of Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving, it was quite apparant that many people agreed.

Maniac Cop

Bruce Campbell, killer cop. Enough said. An 80′s attempt at mixing up the slasher drama, this time around we see one of the boys in blue hacking away at the populace. Entertaining in the way only 80′s slashers can be, Maniac Cop runs slower paced the most, and doesn’t rely as heavy on the jump scares here. While the killer is kept mostly in the darkness through, we rely more on dialogue to flesh out the mystery on who’s killing who. Bruce Campbell is Bruce as he normally is, providing a framed cop caught in his web of adultery and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Really, this one is pretty sleepy as far as 80′s slasher go, but the story’s pretty complete making it worth a watch. And it’s not that often you see the good guy’s turn bad.

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Wednesday, June 27th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

She said:

We have so many urban legends in our culture. Those ghost stories that we scare ourselves with around the campfire or at slumber parties. The tales of boogiemen that makes us keep the light on in our closet. This movie explained it all to us. It was beautiful.

When we look at our favorite serial killer franchises as a form of reality, we want to ask ourselves why do they do what they do? The answer is simple; for us to have the good, one must first have the evil. It took us through, like a 20/20 television special, of how exactly the killer goes through the whole task. The choosing of the group, the location, the traps, the little hooks and lures that bring us to the part that we as the voyeurs of the slaughter, come to love and expect. Not only do we see our masked killer as human, we grow to like him. We enjoy his almost childlike pleasure in preparing. His enjoyment of his craft, and yes the painstaking work he puts into perfecting it. His little jests and jabs and jokes were wonderful.

I must admit, I loved seeing the familiar faces of horror icons and little glimpses of horror movie nods, like the little girls in white jumping rope. And of course, the movie had Robert Englund (squeal).

I have to say, it was very different watching the movie from the opposite side, actually rooting for our masked killer instead of the token heroin, the survivor girl. I wasn’t very shocked by the twist or the ending…. and you must watch the entire credits please…but that isn’t the point. Understanding the metamorphosis, understanding of the why and how and who, that was the point of the film. It was not a gore fest, really. Though there were some creative scenes, our movie wasn’t about the deaths. It was about the change, the rebirth of our own weakness. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…. or more importantly, who doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And who knew the closet represented the womb?

Definitely worth watching, if for the profound intelligence of the piece.

5 carrots chopped extra fine out of 5

He Said:

Most of us of hear the saying before that serial killers look just like you or me. Generally, when the horror genre gives you a ‘behind the scenes’ look at whatever their big baddie of the moment is, he’s usually pretty wigged out, twitchy, sweaty and dirty. (The exception being Hannibal Lector of course.) In Behind the Mask, this is indeed the case as we meet mild mannered Lesley Vernon as he makes his case and prepares for his debut weekend as the new supernatural serial killer on the block.

There’s so much to love in this one, it’s hard for me to narrow it all down into one focused flow. Little bits and pieces sprinkled all over this flick help to make it a highly enjoyable romp of mass murder and homage. The most enjoyable part of Behind the Mask is Leslie Vernon himself (Nathan Baesel). With his child like enthusiasm, his artistic view point, and general normalness in preparation of his big night, Baesel’s performance cements the idea of humanizing the ‘supernatural serial killer’ and really helps to get you rooting for the bad guy. The rest of the cast was good as well with Robert England in spitting image homage to Dr. Loomis of Mike Meyer’s fame (while it is a cool cameo, no girlish squeal from me) as well as the clichéd performances of the kids partying at the Vernon house. (That is, clichéd in a good way; I mean, it’s all part of the master plan of course)

The plot and writing here were outstanding as well. The effort towards humanizing a serial killer is understandably a rather large task to overcome. These folks are monsters after all. But watching the plot unfold with Vernon’s boyish enthusiasm, painstaking detail on setup, training, help from retired members of ‘the biz’ (i.e. former serial killers), you cannot help to fall in line with this guy and stand right along side him throughout his journey. Sure, we’ve all rooted for Jason or Freddy throughout their killing spree’s, but that’s more because that’s what they do; monsters being monsters, and that’s what you paid your hard earned cashed to see. With Leslie Vernon, you’re rooting for the guy because you like him. Out side of his life’s goal to be a homicidal maniac, he’s a pretty stand up guy! Out side of the writing behind the title character, there are some other deep thoughts written in there such as imagery in the horror genre; phallic weaponry, closets and their feeling of womb like security, birth imagery, and the base concept that in order to good, you must have evil to go along with it. They are by products of one another after all.

With all of the above listed, this is an entertaining flick from the get go filled with many a good laugh, and some excellent character building. While it may seem a bit like a Blair Witch knock off at first glance, it’s far from it indeed. And while the writing showcases a man working a craft, not a killer, up through the majority of the film, we reach a point towards the end of the film that we take drastic turn. With an almost physical feeling of change, the film soon hinges drastically into your standard slasher fare. This is some what expected towards the beginning, but the change is handled so well that you can nearly feel the change of pace. From here on out we’re looking at a fairly standard slasher that nothing stands out amongst the others, but we’ve had such a good time watching the preparation for this night it’s a fun watch all the same.


This is a great flick. You don’t always hear that here at Cinema Fromage. It’s a pretty good departure from all of the horror that’s hitting shelves these days, and will give you something new to enjoy. Sure it may have it’s flaws, it may have some plot holes. In the end though, it’s just a plain good time to watch, a factor that many of today’s horror flicks tend to forget about.

And really, Nathan Baesel kicks ass. He’s just that fun to watch.

5 mild mannered professionals out of 5

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Monday, June 25th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Not of this Earth

Every now and then I stumble upon a movie that tends to be just a bit shinier than much of the other fare surrounding it in it’s time. For instance in 1988, there were a plethora of horror flicks out there; some might say that the 80′s were the high point of horror cinema. With so many slashers, so many thrillers, it takes something special to stand out from the crowd. When dip your hand into the genre bucket, scoop out a handful of elements from all the different films, blend it on together, you wind up with something such as Not of This Earth that manages to meld many different elements into one cheese infested entertaining whole.

Scene: Large space ship crashes into remote woodland countryside. Queue 1950′s Theremin music.

As two (not so) innocent teenagers play slap & tickle in said woodland countryside, we watch along as clothes peel off, girls giggle, and windows steam up. As our two hormonal teens do what teen’s do, we noticed a rather tall man stalking through the woods dressed much like a Men in Black agent carrying an aluminum briefcase. Watching the kids do their thing, he eventually makes his move and attacks the duo. Opening his case he reveals a high tech blood draining gizmo and sets to work on our now topless victim. Cut to the next day at Dr. Rochelle’s office. (Ace Mask) The very same black clad man is in the waiting room pestering the nurse (Traci Lords) about receiving an emergency blood transfusion. He refuses the blood test, just wants the blood transfusion. After some Theremin induced mind manipulation the doctor concedes to the man’s requests and sets nurse Nadine the task of moving into said strange man’s house to administer daily transfusions. Once settled in her new work place, Nadine begins to notice the many strange traits to said Mr. Johnson, and with the help of the chauffer Jeremy (Lenny Juliano), they set forth to uncover the mystery of this vampiric man in black.

A remake of an earlier Roger Corman flick by the same name, it’s a pretty easy film to figure out before even setting down to watch. Corman, sci-fi, horror; and that means cheese. (And we’re talking the fancy brie stuff here, not the generic cheddar slices) With that in mind, Not of this Earth delivers on all fronts providing nothing to be disappointed with.

The highlight here is the scripting and plot. As a long time fan of the old 1950′s scifi flicks, I saw this as a perfect homage to the days of yesteryear. Over dramatic acting, long stoic expositions filled with ginormous scientific words, campy mystery, it’s all there. As our story unfolds most seems like a typical space vampire raids the earthly refrigerator fare but as we get deeper in, the story rounds the counter into truly 1950′s sci-fi levels as we are told the full story of Mr. Johnson’s home planet, starvation after years of nuclear war, etc. So with a deep story filled with tinkly lights and big words as expected, our scene is set. Truly enjoyable was Arthur Roberts and his intergalactic vampirism. Another surprise was the appearance of Lenny Juliano, last mentioned by us in our look at Cheerleader Massacre, at his wise cracking best with his jersey bad boy schtick.

Fans of 50′s schlock, as well as Traci Lords and her assets owe it to themselves to give this one a watch. Many laughs reside within, feeling somewhat inspirational to later homage flick’s such as The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. Far more campy than what the original set out to be, this version rounded the story out to be wholly entertaining and an homage unto itself.

Hell, it even had Roger Corman producing!

4 former porn star nurses out of 5

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Monday, June 18th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell


She said:

Ok, the picture for the DVD was what sold me on this film. Delivery, from what I gathered from the info on the movie, is about a pizza delivery man who loses it. Sounds simple enough, a nice little gore fest with extra cheese, right? Um, not really.

We find ourselves watching the life of a pizza delivery man, Montgomery Goth (Matthew Nelson). Montgomery is an awkward individual. Overweight, lonely, depressed, bad luck with jobs, a short temper and a bad family history. Through out the film both of us said out loud “Poor Monty!” more times than I could count. Monty, however bad his situation, just keeps plugging away. And keeps plugging away. And we rehash the same scenes over and over again, to the point of tedium. Where as this was a low budget film, it did have a lot in it. It seemed to take forever to get to the interesting parts of the film. For me it took a little too long, to the point I was sore. But then the kills went too quickly. No wait, the sorority house killing, that took way too much time as well, but it did have a beautiful outcome.

Where we did have some colorful characters throughout the film, and some interesting combinations of themes and situations, the comedy of errors that was his life just became so much it was overload for me. Now, quite possibly this was the point. By throwing so many characters out there at us, many who had no point, we felt his pain. But did we really have to deal with so much filler? When my husband told me it was only an hour and a half long, I was shocked, because it felt like I had been sitting there for three.

And the beginning of the movie, well… we had a pizza guy, deliver a pizza and kill the guy at the door. This was what we expected from the rest of the film. But it had nothing to do with the movie at all. It was obvious that character was not our Monty. So what was the point of it?

1 transvestite in a pink bikini out of 5

He said:

The crazy pizza delivery guy. Being a delivery guy myself at one point, anybody who has been down this career path before has had these fantasy’s at one point or another. Rude customers, unfounded complaints, they all pile up and sometimes you walk away thinking what it would be like to just take that person out. So, seeing as Delivery had a crazy pizza guy on the cover and promises of dead annoying customers, I having been there myself, was naturally somewhat looking forward to this venture. When we hit what felt like the two hour mark with no corpses to speak of, it was then that I realized that my hopes were indeed in the process of being dashed.

The main drawback to Delivery is the pacing, and so much time spent on building up the character of Monty, with little payoff once he’s finally pushed over the edge. It’s obvious the poor man has some issues through out. Many daydreams of any and all women he encounters in life, constant belittling from those around him, a no where job, a trouble past…it’s all there to give us your typical Grade A Psychopathic Killer. Generally, these facets of a killer’s life are revealed gradually throughout a film giving us brief insights to the person’s psychosis interspersed with killings giving a fluid pace and a watch able flick. This time around, it was decided to dump the entire psychosis on us all at once, only to watch the man do his work in the final twenty minutes of film. This is a plausible theory of course, but for Monty, his problems are so repetitive and…slow that you stop giving a shit early on in the movie. Yah, the guy’s got it bad. But we caught that the first time you showed the problem to us.

Once you finally trudge your way through the chaff and get to the nitty gritty of this sleepy slasher, we’re giving a rather sloppy montage of Monty taking care of business. Sure, it felt good to finally see the asshole boss get his due. With this guy being possibly the biggest monkey on Monty’s back, the luckily spent some time on this first kill to make it fairly gruesome, a to make it look like they spent a little time on it. From there on out, it’s all a wam bam thank you man flurry of murderous intent, and with the pain and torture we sat through to get there, leaves you feeling a bit ripped off. Kind of like when you’re really hungry and your pizza shows up an hour late and cold. On second thought, maybe those surly customers aren’t so bad after all.

With plodding pace, lackluster acting, and no payoff, Delivery is a flick to be skipped. Your life will not be any less complete if you pass this one buy. While there is potential there in the plot, and mostly in Matthew Nelson’s acting career, this movie failed on angles to take advantage of it.

1 oh god is it over yet’s out of 5

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Saturday, June 16th, 2007 | Author: Colleen Criswell

The Messengers

Now as you may know, I love a good ghost story. Anything dealing with the paranormal, well it is right up my alley which is why I was looking forward to seeing The Messengers. The commercials for this film had me wanting to see it simply for the reason of it being another haunted house film. I have always had an interest in parapsychology; the big question of what happens to our souls after our body gives out, and the questions of unfinished business. Movies such as Amityville, The Shining, and Poltergeist (which has a whole other personal attachment to me) are our views on the afterlife, however at the same times these films also include a descent into madness as well. The same holds true with this film. It could be commentary on how our weak little minds can not wrap around the bigger questions of the universe, or maybe because the answers aren’t all as fascinating as we had hoped and so they have to add the element to give us something other than the oppressive darkness that may actually consume us. Regardless it makes for great entertainment.

Just as most of these films come about, it is a family with obvious problems. Father out of work, mother on the brink, troubled teen daughter and silent toddler who was almost as spooky as the twins from The Great Outdoors. They buy an old rundown sunflower farm and decide to make a go at it. They get help from a wandering knight of the road and try to make their little happy family noises again. The only thing is, the abandoned home was a site of an unknown tragedy. From the beginning of the film we see three family members being assaulted by an unknown shadow. As the shadows continue to prey upon the new inhabitants, only the toddler seems to notice the phenomenon as well as the girl. The parents, per usual, do not believe the daughter’s stories and only see it as her acting out and not adjusting to her new surroundings.

Now as the film has many elements we have seen in countless films, I must say it had a lovely twist. Now, it could have been that I was on a caffeine rush and it was 5 in the morning when I watched the film, but I didn’t catch it at all until they revealed it. To which I actually had to wake my husband up and tell him (which is why I am writing this review on my own and it is not one of our He said She Said segments). His reply was a sleepy “No shit!”

Monster and ghost effects were lovely, cinematography beautiful. Story line and plot right on target, I felt. And granted Dylan McDermott doesn’t look old enough to have a 16 year old daughter, the cast seemed pretty solid. The movie was enjoyable, so why, do I wonder, not many people enjoyed it? I feel it could be due to the fact it isn’t a typical ghost story. Part of the frightening aspect of the film is not due to the ghosts themselves, but to the violence that manifested there. The energy that causes a true haunting; it isn’t spirits, it is the negative energy that is left over from the violent act that occurred there. This movie touched on that in a way that most films do not. Where the ghosts appear to be evil in all films like this, are they truly evil, or was it the events that led up to the deaths that causes it?

All in all it is a decent movie to watch, there are some lovely jump scenes. And, where it is not typical for your basic haunted house film, it was very thought provoking. Especially at 5am buzzed on too much energy drink.

3 smoking man cameos out of 5

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Friday, June 15th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Memorial Day

She said:

Hurray for the holidays! The fact that we actually watched this over Memorial Day weekend made me giggle. Memorial Day is a no budget film, many shots looked like they were taken with a camcorder. It was great. Yay for the cheese factor! Even though it was very obvious from the start who the killer was, this movie was pretty fun to watch, if only for the characters alone. Unfortunately IMDB doesn’t have a complete cast list… but I have to say the guy with the day-glo yellow hair that matched his glasses was my favorite. Maybe because some of his lines reminded me of conversations I have had with my husband. Plus he kinda looked like him a little.

Pretty much the story is based around a group of friends who are going on their yearly romp to Memorial Lake. This is the first time they have gone in 3 years, since a horrible accident happened. One of the young women had a handicapped brother who drowned in a boating accident. She is still having a hard time dealing with it, and they all feel that this is the best way for her to overcome that feeling of guilt. However, one by one they all start getting killed off by a person in a mask.

The characters reminded me of people I have known over the years and that makes it so much more fun to watch when you can relate to them. Gore and kills, some very very creative things going on there. The nails in the ears was awesome! Unfortunately, that is where my praise ends.

The writing was lax, the acting in most parts was just lame, then at the end… well the killer explains the importance of how the kills were done in relation to the revenge…. and it was just a tad boring reliving all that. The big double twist at the end was anti-climatic… though the song during the closing credits was friggin’ hysterical.

2 Letterman jokes out of 5

He said:

With Memorial Day being a relatively untapped holiday for murderous rampages, hopes were naturally high going into this one. Seeing as it was a low budget flick with unknown actors, the hopes were tempered a bit to balance everything out to a level playing ground. Looking at it in this light, Memorial Day managed to be a watch able flick neither horrible nor mind blowing, but just a general slasher with some fun moment spread within.

As mentioned above, the acting throughout was mediocre at the best of times. There were a few actors that stood out above the others, but in the end most were either over the top hammy or a mind numbing drone. But, when the good ones were on, the laughs were plenty and the film was entertaining as far as low budget slashers go.

The biggest problem for Memorial Day lies in the grand finale of the film. With the killer telegraphed through out the film, the writers tried to change things up with a double twist. (While it was obvious who the killer was, it was apparent they were hoping you didn’t find out quite so easily.) Smacking of over achiever and needless confusion this flick transcended from passable general slasher fare to muddled and ‘meh’ in one single scene. Let’s not forget either that our first killer, while of the hammy variety, had personality, excitement and life to his character. Our added twist remained monotone and lifeless throughout the film and when trying to show her bad self managed to raise herself from lifeless to lethargic.

As a whole Memorial Day is an entertaining enough watch to make you not miss the hour and a half you lost sitting through it. There are some good jokes through out, and the kills are generally entertaining and fairly innovative. Just don’t tune in for a deep story and A List acting.

2 I don’t look like that yellow haired tool!’s out of 5

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Thursday, June 14th, 2007 | Author: Colleen Criswell

Lair of the White Worm

The Lair of the White Worm has always been a fun film to watch for me. The whole campy feel of this film has always made me giggle. From its British dramatic flare to its interesting characters, its comical insight, horrible special effects, or maybe just for the dream sequence that no matter how many times I watch it makes me laugh so hard.

The story revolves around two sisters whose parents had mysteriously disappeared. One of them brings in a Scottish archeologist who has an interest with the history of the land her home is built on. He finds a huge skull and some information on an ancient Pagan cult revolving around a snake god. Hugh Grant plays a wealthy land owner who lives near the girl’s home who is fascinated with his own family’s lore that revolves around the myth of a huge snake that one of his ancestors killed. Then in between the 2 houses is another manse owned by a mysterious woman, who I might add had some awesome costumes, and a passion for the children’s game snakes and ladders (for us Americans, this game was changed to chutes and ladders).

One thing I love about this type of film other than the cheesy effects, blatant nudity and that fun dramatic British acting is the fact that they created a wonderful myth and legend here. Where as so many films are rehashes of the same thought, same idea, same things that go bump in the night, this one adds a more perverse and phallic symbolism that so many creature features miss. I mean it is so blatant they slap you in the face so hard with it, you almost miss it. What is the story really about? Is it about a snake woman? A Pagan God? No, it is pure and simple; it is a movie on the evils of sex. Where as the snake is so purely phallic in shape and being, in ancient times the snake was a symbol of womanhood.

Then we throw in a little religion for fun. I mean where else have we seen the evils of the snake other than the Bible? Give us a great little vision of nuns praying around the cross which is then surrounded by snakes and Romans who go into a rape frenzy. Also, might I add the humor in checking the casting list on the nuns and find Linzi Drew, famous for her Buttman and Ben Dover

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Tuesday, June 05th, 2007 | Author: Colleen Criswell

After Sundown

I love low budget films, especially these little gems I have been finding lately. After Sundown could be seen as just another zombie-vampire-cowboy flick, but in it we find something special. The movie begins in the 1880’s, when a young woman… who happens to be a vampire… gives birth. Immediately we are ported into the present where a construction crew is busy moving a cemetery for urban development…. something about not wanting dead bodies buried in the back yard or something, pshaw! While digging up this 100 year old cemetery they come across the well-preserved body of our young mother clutching her baby, both found with steaks through the heart. They bring the bodies back to the morgue, put baby on ice and like people who have never watched a bad horror film, they remove the steak from mommy dearest. After that well… You know chaos ensues, zombie slaves are made; your typical gore fest.

Even though this movie is nothing new in theme, nothing new in kills, no new and brilliant twist or idea, it was well done. Out side of the blood not having enough red #40 and some bad blue screen shots, it moved at a good pace, kept continuity going, had some great characters, decent enough gore make up and special effects for the budget, and some good writing… “You can’t run people down in the street, even if they are already dead!” That one I am storing away. On top of that, this movie gave credit to those who stand on the back lines, those people who show up nameless on your screen. The ones who say “Hey! I was in a movie!” and can prove it because their name is in the credits. Extras are hard working people, they want their 15 minutes and they need the credit for it! This film gave those people that. For a low budget film, this movie had a ton of extras. Lots and lots of zombies and they all got their name in the credits. For that I give a round of applause.

Oh, and remember folks, twigs a good weapon does not make.

4 pen clicks from an O.C.D. zombie out of 5

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Tuesday, June 05th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Mustang Sally

She said:

So my husband messages me and tells me he has a new movie for us to watch. Mustang Sally is the name, starring one of my favorite b-movie queens E.G. Daily (yeah Tommy Pickles, also in Valley Girl and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure). He tells me she plays a prostitute who kills her clients. Ok… interesting idea… however there is more to it, or rather they meant to have more to it than that.

One thing I will start off saying is that the movie was not that bad. I enjoyed it. Got a lot of chuckles out of the writing, however the movie is a tad confusing at times and unfortunately, too obvious. Our writer, director, and cameo appearance Iren Koster had some great ideas on this movie. However he let too many things slip which ruined what could have been a great twist. There were no misdirection’s, there were no red herrings, there were no big shocks at all as far as the story line went. When major plot information came out, it just spurted all at once (yes pun intended) and came at you so fast that you almost couldn’t digest it, then once you did it was like…well now what are we going to do with the second half of this move since we already know all the information.

The young men visiting the Bordello are sent in on what is an obvious set-up. Three bikers enter a bar and talk the place up within ear-shot of the boys. The characters were very stereo-typical. We had our jock who carried a football around like a security blanket, we had our goofy little comedy relief (and I am sorry the boy needs some acting classes, his deliveries were way off), we had our rich boy, our sensitive guy… you name it, they were there, but only surface quality. No depth to them, nothing. The prostitutes were the same way. It was all very cut and paste, and not a lot of information on where Sally met these women.

We had characters show up that made neither real sense nor helped to really further along the plot line, such as the sheriff. We got too much information on Sally; we didn’t get enough information on the boy’s fathers who actually committed the crime against Sally. The ending was confusing on how our main boy got into the hospital in the first place. And had we not been given the information on who Sally was, well the ending would have been a great shocker.

Gore and deaths were pretty damn creative for the most part. I got a kick out of that. The acting was below par, mood swings happened that made no sense, deliveries were pretty weak, but the writing was good. Very funny stuff through out. Nudity, for those of you who care… not so much considering the theme.

2 boot lickings out of 5

He said:

So, for starters I must be honest. My original draw here was for E.G. Daily dressing up as a prostitute. Just so you all know what expectations I had going into this.

That said, I was pleased with what I got! Outside of general eye candy, I still remained somewhat pleased with this low budget extravaganza despite the issues contained within.

Plot descriptions on IMDb leads one to believe that Mustang Sally could be the tale of some evil prostitutes doing evil for evil’s sake. Once we dig down to the meat and potatoes, that’s not the case at all. What we have here is a pure and simple revenge fantasy al la I Spit on Your Grave without the gritty realism of said flick. More along the lines of Pumpkinhead 2 sans the big headed revenge demon, the story here is near identical. Where the two flicks differ however is this time around, they give too much story too early, leaving us with little to no fat to chew on in between. Revealing the hooker motive early on, there’s little to no mystery involved. But, when you’re watching scantily clad women murder all of the stereo typed clichés that you loathed in high school…how much mystery do you really need?

Mustang Sally in the end, is just a good time; mindless watching with nothing to figure out, nothing to concentrate on. The acting throughout is mediocre at best and cringe worthy at worst, but it all adds up to b-movie fare that will make you giggle a fair bit throughout. And did I mention the scantily clad women? Those are always nice too. You know what’s going to happen; you know how it’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of what order they are going to fall. With the bookend scenes of the main emo boy in the hospital going over his story, in the beginning works as a good setup for the tale; when we go full circle to the point he is in the hospital, we never really find out how. As confusion sets in the twist unfolds and all becomes clear. While this was a nice twist it was handled in the muddiest and most confusing manner possible making this go from a ‘holy shit!’ twist to a ‘eh, figured that’s where they were going’ in about two seconds flat.

So…if you think you’d like to see E.G. Daily in stripper shoes, this is your flick. If you’d like to watch prostitutes dressed in laughable stereotypes laying waste to annoying teenage boys, fire it up. If you’re looking for an engrossing tale filled with twists and turns and edge of your seat tension…better head back to Blockbuster.

2.5 scantily clad stabbers out of 5

Category: Irreconcilable Differences, Movies  | Comments off