Archive for » August, 2007 «

Friday, August 31st, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Cinema Fromage is on the road this week! What’s that mean? Jack shit really! All that means is that reviews may be sporadic till mid next week. Keep your eyes peeled for a surprise Halloween review however!

A little birdie told me as well that post Road Show may bring us the return of the First Lady of Fright as well!

Until then,

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu

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Friday, August 31st, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

The Rising Dead

After the onset of World War IV the earth’s population is reduced to armies of the undead after biological warfare has caused the dead to rise. In an effort to save America’s important people, the President and his staff are packed on a plane to be flown to an underground nuclear (Nuculer) fallout shelter in Guantonimo Bay. Unfortunately for those aboard, the plane crashes before it arrives. Left with a handful of survivors and a handful +1 of now zombified plane passengers, they now must fight there way on foot to the fallout shelter. Led by Mr. Blake, the Special Forces agent assigned to protect the mission, he takes the first lady and her first children under his wing as they fight their way to the shelter.

In theory, this sounds like a pretty good flick. Zombies as a result of World War IV, a secret mission to fly the president and his VIP’s to a remote facility, and hey…zombies! Unfortunately, the good ideas never evolve past the theory stage and what we get is a convoluted turd set to give you either a head ache or a good night’s sleep, all depending on your tolerance for crap.

You see, I praised the basic plot up above there and I stand by it. Unfortunately, I had to gather that plot from IMDb as when the themes are put into play they are near impossible to follow and really do not come across at all throughout the entirety of the movie. Filled in primarily through Mr. Blake’s echo-y internal monologues he manages to dump plot points in large chunks, freeing the actors up to run about on screen stiltedly running from zombies, all while delivering their lines in the finest of high school acting abilities!

There is some gore here. Not much, not necessarily well employed; but it’s there. Again, the intentions were solid here but when you can see that their main effects medium is green screening holes in zombie heads and buckets of red food coloring the gore is more of the humorous variety. Don’t get me wrong, I can love and appreciate even the woodiest of Ed Wood style effects. When there is a story, some hammy acting or something else interesting going on in the background, the cheesy effects add a certain charm and quality to a z-grade horror flick. Unfortunately for The Rising Dead, there’s nothing else going in the background to bolster the charm for these effects; they’re just plain cheesy.

Mr. Blake deserves some special recognition here, as he and his director brother are the only two people they’ve bothered to credit on the IMDb listing! Granted this is somewhat understandable as the majority of The Rising Dead is Mr. Cousins stomping around in all his manliness throwing zombies about and hitting them in the back with axe handles, all while delivering wooden internal monologues. However, how can we forget to give credit to say…Mr. Blake’s hooker esque wife and her magic mini skirt that was oh so tight, yet she still managed to seemingly stash half a survival kit inside? Or how about our first lady who didn’t quite know what to do with her arms while speaking and spent most of her time DELIVERING LINES LOUDLY AND DISTINCTLY so that we hung on every word. (Watch out Billy Shatner, you may soon be unthroned!)

In the end, I had marginal hopes for a good low budget movie with a post apocalyptic flare. What I got was a slight rash and an undeniable wish for my two hours back. When I, the ‘watcher of crap so you don’t have to’ finds himself a eying the counter on the front of the player and exclaiming repeatedly ‘Jesus Christ WHEN DOES IT END!’; you know you have yourself a special pile-o-shit in the direct to DVD bin.

1 even I know you don’t wear white socks with a black suit’s out of 5

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Thursday, August 30th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Check out who’s filling in on the news desk at Bloody Good Horror!

Give it a look! If you like, be sure to let the editors know!

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Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

With the ever changing world we live in, it becomes important to prepare ourselves for any eventuality. Time and again you’ll hear of mishaps that could have been prevented had the victims been prepared. With this in mind, I’ve chosen to share with you all today an educational video to help all of us in the future.

So, watch a long and learn; this is important for all of us.

Nick Frost and Dr. Russel Fell presents: Danger! 50,000 Zombies!

Danger 50,000 Volts: Zombies-Staring Nick Frost(Hot Fuzz)

(And if you liked that, be sure to check out the Danger! 50,000 Volts! DVD set!)

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Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Remember our Rob Zombie Halloween contest? Well, we have a winner!

Congratulations to Jennifer Buttermore! Hope you enjoy your Halloween hits!

Didn’t win this time? Well fear not little buckaroo! Be sure to stay tuned, because around mid may we’ll be having another giveaway….. maybe DVD’s this time around? It’s possible!

Here’s a hint!

I dare say it just might make you as happy as this lady!

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Friday, August 24th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Night of the Creeps

With the advent of something glorious such as Monsters HD we now get the opportunity to catch some classics that still have the unfortunate fate to not be released on DVD. Night of the Creeps being one of the most screamed for DVD’s by fans the world over (alongside Night of the Comet) there are bootleg copies galore out there, but thanks to Monsters we get to see this one in high def glory. This little classic doesn’t necessarily benefit from the HD treatment, but it’s still worthy of being shown in it’s full glory.

Queue the 1950′s. Two young college co-ed’s make out on a wooded lane late one night. While taking a breath they notice a large shooting star crash into the woods nearby. Being a curious guy, frat boy tears off into the woods to locate the crash site stumbling on a smoking container from the heavens. Cut back to chickie in the convertible and someone is stalking out of the woods after her! Oh no! Blood splatters the pretty white leather interior! Cut to the 1980′s, same college campus. Two nerds, Chris Romero and J.C. Hooper are your typical girl crazy freshman. Deciding the best way to find chicks is to join a fraternity, they check out the biggest frat on campus for pledge night. Being your typical jocko frat, the blonde haired alpha male (Bubba from Momma’s Family!) sets our two bumbling teens out on a hazing prank. Kidnap a corpse and leave it on the steps of a sorority house. Determined to fit in, the two boys set out to the medical building and sneak into the basement. When they arrive they find a lab with a cryogenically frozen corpse. But what’s this? That corpse looks familiar! Why….it’s frat boy from the 1950′s last seen exploring the metal canister from the heavens! How could this be! Not knowing this corpsicle’s past, the boys decide to thaw him out for their needs. Unfortunately for them they don’t realize that they’ve thawed out something else as well; alien brain parasites capable of reanimating the dead! Girls scream, boobs are shown, and soon the campus is over run with shambling corpses intent on sharing their brain parasites!

Bordering on “Revenge of the Nerds” meets “Return of the Living Dead” Night of the Creeps is one of those classic 80′s horror formula’s that manage to stand the test of time as well as giving you just a plain fun movie to watch. Filled with stereotypes and corny jokes we have a package stuffed to the gills with laughs and even a few scares. Our two bumbling nerds are easy to sympathize with. Socially awkward, nervous, and wanting nothing more than to meet chicks, they have an air of familiarity with to them. (Well, with my college experience anyways!) From the get go you find yourself rooting for the under dogs here as they face off with drunken frat boys, hot sorority girls and slimy brain parasites. Adding to our misguided heroes is Detective Ray Cameron, former street cop who discovered the slaughtered cutie back in the 1950′s. Troubled and disturbed by the events way back then, Ray has grown into a detective, but not just any detective. Ray is the biggest Mike Hammer throwback ever spoofed! With his whiskey drinking, corn ball one liners, (Thrill me!) and trade mark trench coat, Det. Ray adds to the campiness and makes a worthwhile addition to Chris and J.C. and their fight against the alien scum.

There is so much to love here it’s hard to cover it all without slipping into fanboy ravings. Aside from the great characters given to us, there is a story line that makes for a fun romp as well. Many will say that “Slither” is a direct descendant of NOTC, and I would say in many ways they were right. Not a rip-off mind you, but perhaps a well crafted homage. Easily hidden alien slugs are scary enough, but when they incubate in your brain bringing the body back to life? Now we’re cooking with fire! Add in the excellent effects when said slugs were done incubating, and we get some good gore as well. Night of the Creeps manages to combine several elements together to make a fun filled movie, plain and simple. There’s zombie’s, underdogs, noir, a little bit of everything really. If you’re fortunate enough to have Monsters HD, keep your eyes peeled, it’ll be on there. If not, find one of the many petitions out there to get this one released on DVD and keep your fingers crossed.

And on my final thought? Many times I’ve complained about filmmaker’s wimping out on the ending of a movie. Not this time; Dekker got it right.

5 alien zombie dogs out of 5

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Thursday, August 23rd, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell


A tight courtroom thriller? Almost! Anthony Hopkins stands against Ryan Gosling as one attempts to prove the other’s guilt. In large part, this is a pretty standard courtroom whodunit, although we know from the beginning who in fact, dun it. Twisting the normal formula we spend this hour and a half watching Anthony Hopkins make a mockery of the D.A.’s. (In a good way) Fracture was a good watch although this movie was raised above mediocrity solely by the power of Hopkins. The man is a master and watching him chew scenery here down right captivating at times.

This one’s worth it for Hopkins alone.

Blades of Glory

Will Ferrel and Jon Heder in a near homo erotic escapade as a same sex figure skating duo? Sure why not! We’ll start this off with stating the simple facts; this movie is dumb. D-u-m dumb, which is exactly what we would expect from the Will Ferrel comedy formula. So there is nothing new here although the formula works far better than his previous Talladega Nights. The surrounding cast helps out a lot here with the addition of Will Arnett, Amy Poehler and Jenna Fischer, as well as Coach Craig T. Nelson in long hair! Many man on man sight gags and generic physical comedy & bad jokes makes this one quite chuckle worthy. I’d watch it again. (The added cameos from all of the real life figure skaters was a nice touch as well.)

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Monday, August 20th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell


Young Christy (Nora Zehetner) at the age of 14 has suffered a terrible loss. With both parents now dead and buried, it’s her and her sister against the world. One day after visiting the grave of their parents Christy talks Vanessa (Carly Pope) into letting her drive. Being 14 and easily distracted, the worst happens and the car crashes into a large roadside obstacle trapping Vanessa in the wreckage. Leaving her sister horribly burned and disfigured, and eventually dead, Christy grows into a dark and brooding woman as she is forced to deal with the damage she has caused. Starting with what seemed like an obsession with her past she soon begins to suspect that the visions she is seeing are exactly that; visions. Following the clues she sets forth to find the truth of her sister’s death and to find if she was in fact not responsible.

Stylistically, Beneath is a fairly attractive package that exudes atmosphere seldom seen in this day and age. With an overlying dreamy feel the movie takes on an otherworldly tint. As we delve deeper into Christy’s visions and the line blurs between her dreams and reality. With a sleepy pace it’s pretty easy to slip into this one, drawn in to her world of strangeness and fear. Zehetner works well as her suspicions and fear play into your uneasiness. Unfortunately the two of these combined are not enough to push Beneath into ‘good’ movie territory leaving it mired in mediocre and forgettable.

The biggest fault I can attribute this too is that while the pacing and atmosphere is very nice, they throw so much into this that it becomes muddled and hard to follow. The vision sequences are easy enough to follow as the cinematography changes to reflect these sequences but it’s hard to pinpoint just exactly what she’s seeing and when it was supposed to take place. Is she seeing the past? Is she seeing the future? It’s really hard to say; as they plod along we see glimpses of both. It’s been said that hindsight is 20/20, which is the case with Beneath. Many of these glimpses and sketches make sense after the credits have begun to roll. The problem being that by the time the credits have rolled, you’ve already forgotten about this flick and you really don’t feel like putting in the effort.

This is a movie that I did not regret watching. The overall package is good enough for a viewing. The cast puts in a worthy performance to keep you engrossed with Zehetner standing out with her troubled and scared Christy. However, even with its heavy and well crafted atmosphere Beneath feels confusing by the end with a muddled plot line that often leaves you scratching your head. The biggest fault of all though is that after all is said and done? This movie is forgettable as it begins to slip from your mind immediately.

2.5 Zehetner could still use a sandwich’s out of 5

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Thursday, August 16th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

The Mad

On a family get away, Doctor Hunt (Billy Zane) finds himself in a small country town with his girlfriend, his daughter and her boyfriend. With their big city mind set they try and enjoy the ‘nouveau hick’ atmosphere. Sitting down for a country meal in the local diner, they all try to sample the delicacies provided but unfortunately, they missed out on the last of the hamburgers. Turns out this was for the best as the rest of the yokels who managed to snag one of the meaty treats starts to take a turn for the worst. You see, all the meat is locally grown. The problem is the farm providing the diner with it’s supply of beef was closed down a few years back for health issues and they took matters into their own hands to bring the cows back to health. Unfortunately for the carnivores in the group these burgers do nothing to appease their appetites; now they crave flesh!

Mad cow zombies? Well why not. It’s a common tactic for movies of any genre to play off of the headlines at any given time. Mad cow disease was a pretty big headline for awhile and it only makes sense that somebody would put the zombie spin on it. In The Mad they never outright say that this is mad cow disease; as a matter of fact they mention an ‘illness’ in the cattle and blame an illegal growth hormone for the problems. The implication is loud and clear however. From a horror nerd standpoint this isn’t a bad start. A zombie outbreak based loosely in reality helps to draw one into the situation. It’s just too bad that this was as close as we got to a good zombie flick.

While The Mad does shoot for its share of gore and scares, it is apparent from the get go that the goal was for laughs rather than horror. Packed with many one liners and jokes we’re left with a weak “Shaun of the Dead”. Sure, some of the yuks were pretty funny for the current scene, but there’s no flow between the jokes leaving the end product feeling disjointed and rather sloppy. The film also suffers from a case of overkill as well as instead of a quick drop and go for the laughs, they make sure to run them into the ground. At many times you may find yourself laughing heartily for a moment and then rolling your eyes waiting for them to move on. Humor problems aside however, Billy Zane does the best he can with the material and manages to make it work. Dopey and believable, he at least makes the humor groan worthy as opposed to making you just want to turn the DVD off and find something else to waste your time with.

There is very little here to make this one scare worthy although some of the blood and guts are well done. Most of the time you catch a fleeting glimpse at squishy scenes, how ever there are one or two worthy of the discerning gore hound. This is the key problem with this flick; we’re led to believe it’s a zombie/infected adventure. This is all well and good, but we need more that a couple of attacks thrown in. We see the infected stumbling about mooing quite often. Aside from the onset in the diner, they don’t do much in the way of attacking.

Not necessarily a waste of an hour The Mad is a movie you need to approach with low expectations. Bad jokes are the special of the day here; not zombie mayhem.

2.5 what happened to Billy Zane’s career’s out of 5

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Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 | Author: Casey Criswell

Any of you people ever hear of that Rob Zombie guy? You may even remember that little band he had back in the day. Did you know he was making movies now? He’s got some new movie coming… I can’t quite remember what it was called…. there’s not a lot of info on it out there you know? What was it? Oh yah…..Halloween!
With new movies, also comes new soundtracks! And guess what I have for one lucky reader?

That’s right, a copy of Rob Zombie’s Halloween Original Motion Picture Soundtrack!

Check it out

As you may well know, the movie hits on August 31st, and the soundtrack drops on the 21st!

Now, you may be asking: “How do I win this nifty soundtrack, completely for free?”

Here’s how:

Send an email to with the subject of Halloween Giveaway. In the email, leave your name and mailing address. All entries following this criteria will be entered into the proverbial hat and drawn at random.

The deadline for the contest is 11:59 EST on Aug. 20th! So send those emails, and good luck!

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