Starring Ingrid Pitt, Hammer Studios bodacious boobstress of British B-movie ballyhoo as a lesbian vampire hell bent on the blood of buxom babe’s, do I even really need to write a review?

Eh, that’s what we’re here for, so let’s get down to it.

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

Starring Hammer stalwarts Peter Cushing and Ingrid Pitt, The Vampire Lovers is a period tale, revolving around a young girl, Marcilla (Pitt) who’s mother is repeatedly called off to tend to a sick or dying relative. Not wanting to leave her lovely young daughter (play along, she’s supposed to be young) to fend for her self, the Countess first imposes on her friend the General (Cushing) to watch after the young Marcilla while she’s away. What nobody knows, is that young Marcilla is a vampire. Feasting upon the General’s young neice, Marcilla soon uses up her food source, mom comes back, and they run off to their next haunt while the General has disappeared, mourning the death of his young neice. Soon, the ladies find themselves stranded along side the road, only to be taken in by yet another General, and his young red headed daughter. (Oh yah, she’s quite buxom too) Soon, Marcilla (now Carmilla) is hungry again, with a taste for young girls, and sets off to repeat history. Soon the second General’s butler begins to catch on, and pulling in some local help, begins to scheme the demise of the lovely Marcilla/Carmilla/Count Boobsalot.

Hammer Studios are a mainstay of horror from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and who knows how long. Always standing out first and formost with an air of regality, the majority of Hammer films are usually period films, often centering on vampires and the like. They like you to think they’re classy. However, all of that is nearly always a front, to cover up their own unique sense of pervertedness, as the Hammer Studios always held a stable of buxom babes, and they weren’t afraid to use those weapons. The Vampire Lovers is no different!

Led by Ms. Pitt and her twins, the acting in Vampire Lovers is standard Hammer fare, with no real stand outs, and nobody falling by the wayside. Except for the twins, they stand out for sure. Ms. Pitt acts with an air of distance and age, showing the worldliness of a vampire, with ages of knowledge to let her seduce her subjects. Peter Cushing, in a rather small role, stands out solidly as the General, and turns in the performance you expect of him. The victims of Ms. Pitt play out the naivete of their young roles to a T, often awed by the worldly woman presented by Ms. Pitt and her…fangs. The acting is solid, and does nothing to detract from final package.

The plot in itself is solid, if not a little slow. Centered on these two loosely connected families, both prayed upon by the Lesbian Lestat, you are sucked in by the interactions of said families with Ms. Pitt, and their cluelessnes to her actions. As the butler begins to catch on, you’ll find yourself watching a bit anxiously in wait for the final outcome, and just what will happen to Ms. Pitt and her twins.

The real jewel to Vampire Lovers, is …well… the lesbian vampires and their boobs. They’re all over the place! Remarkably, they are always presented rather tastefully and not always just there for boob’s sake. Be it a medical exam, the changing of clothes, or a bubble bath, they’re usually being show for a reason, and not just to have them flapping in the breeze as they run off through the woods in flight from whatever random slasher guy happens to be about.

To be completely honest, we caught this post 12 am on a movie channel, so unfortunately, I myself missed the last fifteen minutes or so. That being said, I did enjoy what I saw of it, and regardless of what happend in those final fifteen minutes, I still fell asleep with a smile upon my lips, and visions of boobies bouncing through my head.

4 buxom babes in period corsets out of 5