Saturday, November 25th, 2006 | Author: Casey Criswell

Humanoids From the Deep

While the premise is nothing but promising, Humanoids is ultimately forgettable. Horribly dated, fish men in rubber suits terrorize a small fishing town. Pretty basic really. Still, the movie is a relatively fun watch for those of us that love ‘man in suit!’ monsters. There are no real stand out performances here, except for the sheer mass of feathered hair do’s and white man fro’s in abundance. The highlight for this flick is the very end with the delivery of the semi-shapely blond who was kidnapped earlier in the film by the fish men. To give you an idea, I missed the fact that she lived as I fell asleep. Regardless, worth the watch for those of you that are die hard Fromage fans.

Maybe some of you will agree, so feel free to help me convince the other guys in my band that Humanoids from the Deep would make an excellent band name!

Abominable

Now, I’m a smart enough man to know that ‘Sci Fi Original’ means ‘crap’….but I’m a sucker for Lance Henriksen and Jeffrey Combs. Those two together in a movie about Sasquatch? Yah, I’m gonna watch it. But man, what a stinker. Lance & Jeffrey where fine and dandy for what they had to work with, but that’s kind of the equivalent of a shiny corn kernel in a turd. ‘That guy from Police Academy was a snoozer as the whiny handicapped widower returning home after his wife’s death, and the chicks in this one where forgettable at best. (I think? Don’t remember.) While we do get some boobage in the video release of this one, none of it’s worth wading through the septic tank that is Abominable to get to.

Avoid! Evasive Action!

FYI: When I did a Google Image Search for covers, this was on the first page that came up for ‘Abominable’. While not in the movie, it would have been a far more entertaining watch had she been there.

Shadow Dead Riot

Tony Todd of Candyman fame returns to a DVD player near you as Shadow, the voodoo sacrificing inmate put to death at *generic prison* for inducing a frenzied riot killing several inmates, who were buried in the central courtyard in a mass grave. Cut to a few years later and now it’s an experimental woman’s prison. Shit happens, dead guys planted in the yard wake up, people run around screaming, Tony Todd acts like a badass. While the potential of combining a woman’s prison exploitation flick with a zombie flick is quite great indeed, Shadow Dead Riot missed the mark. Hell, they even have the queen of crappy exploitation, Erin Brown. (Misty Mundae) The biggest problem with Shadow Dead Riot, is that it’s boring as hell. Nearly criminal in it’s lack of interest, I found it hard to concentrate on it twenty minutes in. (Except for the boob scenes of course) Stilted acting, wandering plot, and lifeless action, it was a lost cause. Considering you had to suffer through a good hour or so to get to the disappointing zombie horde, that’s a lot of pain and suffering. To be honest, I didn’t even make it to the end of this one. I stopped caring at about 1:05 and moved on to the next flick in the list.

Men In Black

Feeling the need to cleanse my palette, it was time to redeem myself with an old favorite on Wednesday night as we prepared for our turkey day travels. Some people may not like Men in Black all that much, but I’ve loved it since the first time I saw it. Surprisingly, the comedic timing of Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith is impeccable, and they play off each other superbly. From the zany aliens, Vincent D’Onofrio’s Edgar, to Linda Fiorentino’s legs, Men In Black is just a good time. Sure, we get a heavy dose of Will Smith’s *, but that’s what he’s there for this time around, and it works.

(*Hell Naw gif borrowed from the Something Awful forums, cause it fits perfectly, and well, I’m a member there as well)

Category: Cheese Doodles
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  1. 1
    firegrl 

    hell naw…2 thumbs up!