Tuesday, March 13th, 2007 | Author: Colleen Criswell

Devil Times Five

Apparently, today I have decided to take a double dose of poison. However the second movie on my to-watch list wasn’t as bad as I thought it could have been. Next up was The Devil Times Five… a.k.a. People Toys a.k.a. The Horrible House on the Hill.

As the movie starts out the opening shot is of a little yellow bus driving down a snow covered road. The intro music was a demented ice cream man tune which really set the mood. The film, which is from 1974, was nice and grainy like a school education film. Slowly we meet our line of characters; the loving 70′s couple (you know the type… blond dingbat and guy with a bad come over and lust for crew-cut sweaters), we have the over bearing father of our little bimbo all gruff and his nymphomaniac wife who is about the same age as his daughter, and of course we have our spineless lackey and his alcoholic wife (who, if any of you ever watch Will and Grace will know our favorite Hispanic maid Rosario… only younger and thinner and no accent). Ah good times good times… hey lets go to our little cabin in the woods where our simple minded handyman lives! Huzzah!

Ok, now lets get back to our little yellow bus from the beginning of the film. Out of no where the bus crashes. Next thing we see are three sweet little children and a nun. Ok it is a girl dressed like a nun. They announce everyone on the bus is dead. Oh wait, another little boy is still alive… omg is it Lief Garret??? So we have our five sweet little innocents; the nun, the boy played sometimes by Lief Garret (and other times by a stand in with a bad wig), our little army man, a girl with a lighter, and a sweet little girl with a stuffed fish. Well we need to get out of here… oh look a big house on the hill lets stay there…

Right away we know something is wrong with these kids and not just because the kid David looks like Lief Garret in some shots and some midget in a toupee in others. Ooo dead bodies; a close up on the name tag shows that these kids are from some mental hospital!

They arrive at the house. The adults take them in but all feel there is something very odd about these kids and that’s when the mayhem ensues. One by one the kids just randomly kill each of the adults. No real motivation for the most part other than Lief Garret’s character loosing at chess, and hearing one of the guys talking smack about him while good ole Lief is trying on the guy’s wife’s clothes. Oh and then the little girl not liking the idea of the big guy feeding goldfish to the piranhas…

Ok, little things like that set a kid off.

All in all, not bad aside from the confusion of the whole David character (is it Lief… is it Memorex?). I was impressed with the different types of deaths, ah those crazy kids can be creative….got to love it! Usually I like more understanding of my characters motivation, but I will let it slide for the whole creativity factor.

4 out of 5 piranhas in the bath tub

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