(Soon to be published on PopSyndicate.com)

Xander Ronson is a mercenary, a drunk, a tough guy, and world traveler. A little bit of everything actually. He’s also in danger of being thrown in debtors prison in Mongolia where he’s set root and opened his ‘Ronson Security Services’. Things look down for Ronson until Mr. Chambers, a light in the loafers rich man comes to town in search of security and in search of an ancient relic hidden in the hillsides of Mongolia. Much hard liquor is drunk as Ronson ponders the job offered to him; enough money to pay his debts and to get out of Mongolia all together. Is it really worth the trouble though?

Action movies, especially the low budget variety, are well known for cashing in on the success of bigger budget movies. In “Diamond Dogs”, we see cash in on the likes of “Indiana Jones” and “National Treasure”; much like a VHS tape, it’s apparent from the onset that this copy of a copy has degraded greatly in quality from the original.

As we set off on this long meandering road we are first fronted with typical action adventure movie staples; the scenes are stale, but otherwise handled okay. We’re introduced to Dolph Lundgren as a down on his luck American living in Mongolia. We’re shown his sweaty shirtless fights to prove he’s a tough guy, his run in with the court to show just how desperate he is. Where the problems lie are once the actual adventure begins.

Most action adventure flicks involve a long and convoluted plot filled with dangerous traps and puzzles. The stars are primarily known for the muscles and daring visages, are forced to show an uncommon side; a smart side that gives intelligence to the brawn driving the truck. In “Diamond Dogs”, all the introspective views of Xander Ronson and his past are spent in the first twenty minutes. The remainder of the film is a drawn on road trip as the gather gear on their way to the ‘tomb’ and once they arrive, they are in and out with their treasure within five minutes. There’s one measly trap and it’s a pretty crappy trap at that. For all the posturing and posing given to us by Lundgren throughout, one would hope to see a little ‘action’ and ‘adventure’. “Diamond Dogs” is lacking in both and is frankly pretty boring.

Destined for the Bargain Bin, “Diamond Dogs” is better off saved for a rental if you’re a die hard Lundgren fan. I’ve seen worse movies, but for an action adventure epic, this one was a snoozer all the way through.