I have a long history with bad moves. Back in the day, our optimal hangover cure for Sunday afternoons was to head over to the local mom and pop video shop, load up on whatever happened catch our fancy and watch movies for the rest of the day. These movies were generally awful, but we didn’t care. It was a weekly tradition that we never missed for a solid two or three years.

Last night on a holiday visit home I met up with my good friend Chris. Chris was the other key part to those original ‘cheesy movie sundays’. The other players would float i and out of those Sunday afternoon trek into bad cinematic filth; Chris was always there, ever step of the way. He sort of had to be, it was his apartment. But I digress. There is something about this sort of setting that makes even the wost movie morph into something watchable. It’s the sense of comeraderie in the air as you and a friend suffer together through hours of trash. The feeling of knowing you’re not alone on your journey that is tainted with a heavy headache and queasy stomach from a weekens worth of drinking. The string of jokes and one liners that fill the air as the movie unfolds, jokes that are only funny to the people in the room.

This weekend being a holiday weekend, the family and I packed up and headed north to my home town. The weekend plans consisted of cookouts and time spent with friends which is exactly what we did. As Saturday unfolded, I found myself out at Chris’s house once again Saturday night, sans the hangovers. Even though we’re both over half way through our 30′s our minds still think mainly alike, which if you knew the history is quite frightening in fact, and it came time as the evening winded down to decided what we were going to do to cap off a great day. There really wasn’t much thinking involved, we all knew that we’d end up watching some sort of bad movie; it’s what we do. Armed with a stack of DVD’s, we decided on ‘Transylmania’ and set off on a journey of heavy handed satire and a dissapointing lack of femal anatomy.

To put it bluntly, “Transylmania” is not a good movie. The plot makes little sense and feels disjointed by the efforts to cram in as many jokes and site gags as possible. Since the movie is nothing but one ongoing joke after another, they are often rapid fire and low on the intelligence scale. The actors at play here are bog standard as far as budding thespians go with nothing but ham handed-ness and lackluster deliveries. There’s just simply nothing here to leave you impressed or feeling intelligent. The movie does however play directly to the sense of group mentality of a few good friend and many beers which makes this movie an odd little joint indeed. Even though the movie is technically bad, sitting there watching it with my long time brother of bad movie battles, I couldn’t help but to enjoy myself.

“Transylmania” is billed as a horror comedy, much in the vein of other such films like “Scary Movie” and the like. When compared to these other films, “Transylmania” actually rates higher than most. Sure, the jokes are just as stupid, but most seem to contain a bit more meat to them. There is a little more setup which yields just a bit more laughs. They lend themselves well to the group viewing format and to be frank, the cast is pretty as well! For such a film, it was a bit shocking on how much lead up was given to things such as bare breasts what with all the sexual innuendo and things like ‘vampire orgies’ being a plot point, yet they never really showed the boobs. Still, the movie was watchable even though it did feel like it may have destroyed some brain cells in the process.

This isn’t a great film by any means but if you can go into this movie with the right mind set, a group of like minded friends and a lot of beer, you can still have quite a bit of fun. There are moments that are genuinely laugh out loud funny and more that are funny just for the sheer stupidity. All in all; “Transylmania” is a definite rental for a paryt minded vibe.

“Meadowoods” is a simple film from beginning to end. The plot is straight forward; a group of college students in a small town are essentially bored and want to stir things up a bit with a murder. They figure the best way to execute said murder is to find a random person and come up with a creative way to end them. That way its a drawn out process and they can get some great video of the dying process and create a bit of chaos in town to scare everybody while they’re at it. What better way to pass away the time with some good old fashioned killing?

Cribbing from other films that have used similar styles in the past, “Meadowoods” is told from the first person perspective of Ryan, a film school student who has access to the cameras our trio needs to film their morbid documentary. The first two acts are simply close up shots of our three teens discussing their idea; murdering an innocent person. We watch along as they start off gung-ho over the idea and slowly move towards trepidation, over zealous excitement and flat confusion. It’s an interesting take at telling a story where we get to see everything from the birth of the idea, research, building the props needed for the act and finally, execution. The closest film we have seen of late would be “Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon” which feels like an obvious influence for the likes of “Meadowoods”. The key difference being that this film is set from beginning to end to feel like a true to life story where “Vernon” has a definite satirical agenda.

Where the problems enter in for “Meadowoods” is in this same point of view that makes the movie interesting. When dealing with a green cast setting off on possibly their first acting job, it can be difficult to keep the story flowing. Tedium rides a fine line here when the actors get off their marks for the slightest bit. Where some scenes are tense as you watch the characters coldly discussing taking the life of another person, others just seem to roll on for a bit too long. This causes us to lose the point at times and wonder when they’ll be moving on. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the case of the entire film. A good chunk of the first two acts are great in the simple act of watching how cold these potential killers are. Just at times, they wander a bit the film slows down because of it.

While the work to get there is a bit over long, the payoff of the third act of “Meadowoods” is worth the effort. In this final act, we see numerous things happen surrounding the trios deadly adventures. Some characters evolve, some devolve and yet others seem to be mired in confusion uncertain of where to go. After our hour long buildup of the first two acts, the final events kick off unexpectedly and snowballs through to its conclusion. This is a great contrast to the first two acts as suddenly the film becomes frenetic and chaotic, much like you would expect any plan devised by a trio of bored college students to unfold. For the purists, you will happen across a few issues in the script itself, though they are minor. More than anything, I found myself wondering throughout the movie why they thought sitting in a coffee shop discussing committing murder loudly and openly was a good idea. Getting past the fact that they are filming the entire ordeal, you’d think they would go through a little more effort to keep things to themselves. But once again, just a minor annoyance.

Ultimately, “Meadowoods” is a highly watchable horror flick that is going to be a bit different from what you would normally expect. The pacing feels different from most films I’ve watched before which makes the movie feel like a fresh idea. You do have to be in the right frame of mind for this pacing. It may well strike you as meandering and slow. If you give it a chance however, it’s a worthwhile journey to see the final act unfold.

Life rears its ugly head once again and begins to bog down my own personal blogosphere as of late, but that’s not to say I haven’t been watching movies. When real life bulks up to become annoying, I find myself watching some movies not to review or write about in critical detail but to simply kick back and relax a bit. Many of the movies become re-watches, flicks I know that I’m going to life so that I can shut off the old noggin and space out for a few, some are ones I’ve been meaning to watch but don’t really feel I can add to much to what has already been said of it. Work continues though, so it’s not all for loss, if you want to check out some reviews be sure to check out my write ups for Val Kilmer’s The Chaos Experiment, Steve Zahn, Lee Lee Sobieski and Danny Glover in Night Train and Nick Simmons Incarnate #1 over at Bloody Good Horror.

As for the fun stuff this week, the Criswell family finally made it out to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and enjoyed ourselves quite a bit! The Mrs. being the hard core fan of the family found the movie to be pretty great though she wishes she could have seen a lot of the content cut from the book, such as Dumbledore’s procession. The daughter was pretty devastated by the events that take place in the film but otherwise liked it quite a bit. For myself, I felt the movie was fantastic all around and though it may be the newness and the heat of the moment, mark it as amongst my favorite of the franchise so far. The setup for the final book is pretty great here and I can’t wait to see it all! I’ve read the books but not too closely, so the cut factors don’t bother me too much, so that’s a plus. And for an off note, let it be know that I love love love Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange. Rawr!

For the past week or two, mainly since I picked up a blu-ray player, I’ve found myself with an unexplained urge to watch The Fast and the Furious and its sequels. This is odd for me for a number of reasons, primarily because I’m the type that could give a shit about cars in general and I’m not the world biggest Vin Diesel fan either. The movies felt like they would lend themselves to the flashy colors and loud sounds of blu-ray though, so I suppose that was a driving factor. (Get it?) I did finally manage to give the first two films a watch this past week and ultimately, I didn’t hate them. There is a bit more story to them than I expected, at least in the first film, so it wasn’t too horrible. 2 Fast 2 Furious was really rather boring over all and flat, especially in comparison to the first movie and just felt like an over long episode of ‘generic action cop show’. I’m still planning on giving the the 3rd and 4th movies a shot but the urgency has now been sated, so it may be awhile for those. At least Jordana Brewster comes back for the latest flick!

I don’t buy a lot of DVDs and Blu-ray disks these days. The majority of my library is made up of review copies in from PR companies and a lot of rentals. Browsing through the Video on Demand choices on our UVerse box the other night in search of something mindless to throw on, I was thrilled to find one of my favorite comedies of late in the free VOD choices, Pineapple Express. Having seen it roughly three times now, this one has quickly earned its title as my default background movie. The first time through, I was pretty amazed in that the film isn’t just a simple “Cheech and Chong” ripoff, but actually a cleverly disguised action comedy. Seth Rogan has reached the over saturation point lately but he’s firing on all cylinders here, for me anyway. The highlight of the movie though is James Franco’s Saul Silver. Luckily, the movie holds up to repeated viewings and is just and funny the second and third times through and always serves well for turning off and tuning out.

Some may even say there’s quite a bit of physical resemblance to myself and my friend Chris many years ago, but that’s another story for another day!

The movie watching is still going on, but it has been more in the personal indulgence mode as of late. The writing continues on as well, but again more in the personal venue than of the public nature. Coming up, I’m expecting some new review disks in the mail any day now, in particular some blu-ray disks to start the coverage on that spectrum too!

Return to Sleepaway Camp

Twenty five years ago Angela Baker terrorized Camp Arawak after her psychological breakdown. Two other times beyond that she returned to wreak havoc and take revenge on camp bullies. Cut to today; welcome to Camp Manabe, run by greedy Frank and his half partner Ronnie. Arawak has been shutdown and demolished, but Angela’s been locked up for years, so no need to worry about that. So it’s business as usual for summer camp hijinks. Counselors screw, kids horse around, and bullies pick on the awkward. Enter Alan; he’s overweight, smelly, strange, and pushy. He’s also not very popular and becomes the official camp scapegoat for the summer. With frequent violent outbursts and disappearances, Alan becomes the prime suspect when the dead bodies begin to arrive once again!

The original “Sleepaway Camp” is a classic unto itself, if for nothing else than the final frame of film. The first sequel was passable, and the third was forgettable. There was a fourth that was never even finished. With this history in mind, the first question one must ask is; “Who wanted another sequel?” However, in this time of remakes and shoddy creativity, one can ask as well; “Well, why not?” Armed with the only major weapon they could muster, the original Felicia Rose and a handful of other familiar faces from the original flick, they settled on the ‘why not’ answer and made themselves a little movie.

At its core, “Return to Sleepaway Camp” is no different than any of the past movies; it’s chock full of corny jokes, over the top humiliation and screeching pansies. Where it differentiates itself is in its main star Alan. Michael Gibney, who plays our star, is an inexperienced actor trying to make his mark. Lucky for him he does! As the penultimate dweeb, he shines with his screechy returns and repetitive insults. (“Your ass stinks!”) He’s not the second coming of Carey Grant here, but the movie does shine a little brighter when he is on screen. The rest of the cast packed around him are really nothing more than scenery. All of the characters and the actors playing them are generic and fail to draw any sympathy from the crowd. It is nice seeing the few familiar faces from the first movie, namely Ronnie and Vincent Pastore, with a small scene for Angela’s brother Justin Tiersten. I will throw in here that it was cool to see Felicia Rose return once again, but there wasn’t much for her there. I was never all that attached to her in the role, so it wasn’t a deciding factor on the movie.

Where “Return to Sleepaway Camp” excels is in the kills! As sadistic as it sounds, they were all truly enjoyable and original. The special effects were handled well and helped to round out the week and stale story line. Be it a toilet death or nail aided bunk bed death, they were definitely the highlight of the film.

In the end, “Return to Sleepaway Camp” is a pretty bad movie. It’s filled with bad acting, warmed up plot and bad jokes. It is however a fun movie! Despite it’s flaws, they never once attempted to take themselves overly serious in the film and managed to created a pretty campy through back. Ultimately, you’re going to groan, but you’re going to laugh quite a bit as well.

4 stinky fat kids out of 10

The Movie

As I look back at the the theatrical release for “Hancock”, I’m reminded of the preconception problem that the movie faced; I myself, along with thousands of others, were prepared for the worst. Most expected nothing more than hammy Will Smith acting like a drunken hobo and many catch phrases such as ‘Welcome to ERF!’ While the first half of the movie did in fact fit this preconception, it’s not to heavy handed, it provides some good laughs, and is generally slightly annoying but bearable. The trailers however, at least the ones that I’ve watched, are misleading; at the half way point “Hancock” turns the corner into a serious action movie, a solid super hero origin story, and in general a hell of a lot of fun.

The key to enjoying “Hancock” is remembering the fact that it’s a pure origin story. It’s also an original origin story; instead of trying to opt in a long existing coming book yarn and conforming it to a new format, they’ve set out to create an entirely new hero with zero back story. The first half of the film that focuses on the down and out hero is necessary. We don’t know where he’s coming from, we don’t know who he is. Instead of ret conning (Thanks Schnaars!) a story of hardship and trauma into an existing story line, we’re watching it develop from the beginning. Act 2 introduces us to the first appearance of the hero. He reluctantly sets to help out the populace in a non destructive and sober way. He’s nervous, he’s a bit cocky, he’s emerged from the origin ashes. Act 3 gives us a taste the full blown hero mode and just how powerful he is. It also returns full circle to give us a full dose of origin story to eventually culminate in a full blown super hero in the final five minutes of film. What excites me over this formula is simple; we’re given a brand new super hero that we know nothing about. Over the course of the movie we watch this hero evolve into a full blown hero. The movie is of course left wide open for sequels and the chance of a franchise super stardom. The beauty is, we’ve gotten the character development done in this first movie; number 2 is going to be some pretty solid ass kicking action.

“Hancock” has it’s faults. Many are going to have a hard time getting over Smith’s schtick in the first act of the movie. Honestly though, it’s not as over the top as “ID4? and the like. There are also some scenes in the second act that could use some serious editing. There are lulls in the flow here that may cause you to glance at your watch a time or two, but the third act will more than make up for it. There is a Shyamalan-esque twist closing out the second act that completely caught me off guard. This twist is what makes the movie turn the corner from mediocre to really good for a super hero origin story. Ultimately, “Hancock” is going to shed some new light on ’super heroes’ in general, and that’s not a bad thing. Comic Book purists may disagree but for me, it worked well.

The DVD

“Hancock” arrives on DVD with top notch picture and full Dolby 5.1 surround, which should be par for the course in today’s age of high dollar block busters. Where they try and give you the added value is in in the extra features. “Hancock” delivers here as well.

In “Superhumans: The Making of Hancock” we’re given a full thirteen minute behind the scenes look, the studio gives us a nice little documentary that details the thought process and technology that goes into “Hancock”, as well as the people that helped bring it to the screen as well. Standard fare as far as features go, but it’s nice to see Producer Michael Mann talk about why he passed on the directors chair this time around, and we see a highlight reel of what it’s like to work with Peter Berg, Charlize Theron and Will Smith. The other features do a fine job of detailing the different facets of movie making with an in depth look at the special effects, as well as the the stunt work that goes on behind the movie. However, these features begin to step into the yawn territory with their detail on the movie making process; unless this is a process you’re interested in, you’re going to grow a bit tired of it, very fast.

The features list of the 1-Disc Unrated Edition are as follows:

· Featurette: Superhumans: The Making of Hancock
· Featurette: Seeing the Future
· Featurette: Building a Better Hero
· Featurette: Bumps and Bruises
· Featurette: Mere Mortals: Behind the Scenes with ‘Dirty Pete’

The Rating

My second viewing of “Hancock” was just as enjoyable as the first, The extra scenes were slight, but the movie still held up well. 7 out of 10.

For the DVD, it is packaged well and the quality is nice, but I fail to see the reason for two separate unrated releases. For that, I give the DVD package a 6 out of 10.

The Zombie Diaries

“The Zombie Diaries” is a bird’s eye view of during and after an apocalyptic viral outbreak. We have three separate groups we’re following throughout; “The Outbreak”, “The Scavengers”, and “The Survivors”.

With our first group we follow a documentary film crew as they set off into the countryside to film a documentary on the outbreak. In “The Scavengers” we watch a group of three people a month after the outbreak as they simply try and exist. In “The Survivors”, we come across a large group of people gathered together for safety and trying to work a plan to keep themselves safe to build a strong hold.

This all sounds magnificent in theory; post zombie apocalypse, rebuilding, surviving. In actuality, this could have indeed been the case. With little to no character development involved in the movie and too much cinema verite shaky cam, it was nearly impossible to keep up with which group you were watching or what was going on. We are thrown into each group rather abruptly with nothing but a brief exposition as to what they’re doing. For the two smaller groups, this pretty much kills any cohesiveness to the story. Only with the larger group do we actually get some meat to bite into as far as characters and story go. The leader of the farm has some smart touches written for her; insisting that everybody wash their hands before they go in, disinfecting your shoes in bleach poured on the ground before entering the house to prevent the virus from being tracked in. She even keeps a small but believable knot of survivors around here. At one point in “The Survivors” focus, we see one of the farm tenants panic at the sound of movement in the brush and begin shooting blindly. Upon closer inspection we find that she’s shot two uninfected people. She runs off screaming, the weight of what she’s done is allowed to sink in to us the viewer. But…they never do anything else about it. Do we see what they do to her for killing two innocent people? Do they let her go? Do they forget about it? Your guess is as good as mine.

It’s this lack of character depth that makes it nearly impossible to care about what happens to anybody in this movie. There is nobody to root for, no emotional connection, and barely any physical recollection to them. The first hand mock-u-mentary style horror film as been done to death now, and it does work. It should even lend itself to the zombie genre quite well. With “Zombie Diaries” it works for the most part but manages to destroy any tension or atmosphere that it has built as soon as any action starts. The camera shakes so much that you simply can’t see what is going on every time a zombie appears on screen. When one of the scavengers yells to his cohorts “Oh shit, I think I saw something over there”, the camera soon begins shaking so violently that you cannot focus on anything in the shot to see if he did in fact see something. I do understand that you’re going for realism and cameras shake when you run. This is great for realism, but hard to watch as a viewer. When we can’t focus or make out anything that is happening on screen, it soon becomes pointless.

Aside from these two main issues, “Zombie Diaries” is completely standard and does nothing to elevate itself over the rest of the zombie movies that choke the shelves of video stores everywhere. In fact, there is so little zombie mayhem in this movie it’s rather boring. Nothing but strung together scenes of people talking and smoking with the occasional zombie staggering through a cornfield. I had high hopes; unfortunately those hopes are left unfulfilled!

4 snoring zombies out of 10